i chanced upon some of the photos taken during the hostage and, honestly, looking at those grim faces of individuals who are about to meet their doom was not pleasant. my partner asked me if i've watched the 'live' video of the stand-off and i replied a firm no. i can't. i just can't. the thought of having to watch a video, which was 'live' at the point of filming, knowing that the end was a bloodbath was just too much for me to bear.

as i ranted to my partner about the inadequacy of the Manila police force, i was choking back my tears. i had to take several pauses to compose myself. i found myself holding back my tears when i was in the showers, wondering what i would have done in that situation. it's not an easy situation to be in; definitely the most unpleasant.

for some strange reasons, i'm extremely affected by this event, to the extent of being apologetic. i'm sorry to the tourists that your lives have been cut short by the admitted failures of the Manila police force. i'm sorry to the family of these tourists who will forever mourn the what ifs and be haunted by this incident. i'm sorry to the family of the hijacker who will nonetheless feel indirectly responsible for the hijacker's actions. i'm sorry to the hijacker who must have been extremely desperate to have to resort to suicide by cop.

who i'm not sorry for is the police force. you failed. utterly failed. and this failure, unfortunately, was paid by innocent blood.

Rest in Peace.