took a trip back down memory lane by looking at my first few posts on this blog cos i was trying to figure out how old this blog really is and when's the "birthdate". read some of my old entries and i turned to look at the mirror.
so many things have happened since then and i've truly changed a lot. ever-since M, i've not made verbal my feelings to anyone extensively. even my man had a hard time adjusting to a female who displays potentially more masculinity than most females do. since those early posts, i've became more reserved in my postings. i learnt how to exercise discretion. i learnt that some secrets or stories are meant to be held within your very tiny heart till you're nothing but ashes.
i learnt that sometimes the simplest message puts the idea across more effectively than the essays that i tend to write at times (this is possibly one of the times). i learnt that in a person's lifetime, there are truly several lessons that will rock your world so hard that you can hardly breathe. i've came to realise that i've no control over my life or the lives of my loved ones. i've loved and i've lost. i've been through hell and heaven. i've been through trials and tribulations.
in just 5 short years, my blog has chronicled the significant parts of my life. my struggles to love myself. my struggles for an identity. my struggles to take a breather in the storm that i was caught in. my struggles to be happy, genuinely.
have i found peace? i hope i have after so long. in 16 months' time, i'll be 24 and i truly hope peace will be with me as another torrent of emotions sweep through this fragile body of mine. i'm rather tired of the dramatics of life yet without it, i'm nothing.
have i found peace?
i guess only good ol' Daddy knows the answer.