walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

Created by Wedding Favors

time constrained

another dimension

partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.

communication channels
christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

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many bows
pictures: one
brushes: one two
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designer: sweet_surrender
others: blogger blogskins

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Saturday, March 31, 2007

28 more days!
28 more days to the day my baby is here!
28 more days!


hearts 17:07:00
0 spoken words

last night, an old friend came to visit me.
i hate this friend of mine, for her visits are never pleasant.
it has been a while since she came by.
she always tries to coerce me into doing something that will have an irreversible marking in my life.

but last night, i had someone on the phone with me.
i love this someone of mine, for he always makes me smile.
she has never met this formidable foe of hers.
she tried really hard last night but last night, she fell at the hands of my loving and doting baby.

i'm really sorry that i make you worry last night.
i can't promise what you ask me to.
but i can promise that i will fight my demons harder from now forth.

hearts 01:27:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


hearts 02:20:00
0 spoken words

6 weird things about myself.

1. i love being random.

2. i can get lazy about anything and everything. for instance, i'm tired but i'm too lazy to sleep.

3. i can't help but correct peeps' english but i can't stand it when someone corrects mine. lol.

4. i actually enjoy pain. makes me feel alive at times.

5. i can behave like a complete kid this minute and a complete grown-up the next.

6. sometimes, i really feel like i'm just acting on this enormous stage and i just can never seem to get enough of it. just love drama so much.

hearts 00:55:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


You Are 77% Non Conformist

You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.
And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are.
Are You a Nonconformist?

You Are 73% Thankful

You are a very thankful person - for both the big and little things in life.
Your optimism is powerful. Getting through hard times is fairly easy for you.
How Thankful Are You?

You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it's served to you, you'll at least try it.
People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they're addicted!
What Kind of Meat Are You?

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.
You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.
Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

hearts 18:08:00
0 spoken words

in about 9 hours and 25 mintues, baby and i will mark 6 weeks of togetherness. o my gosh. has it been that long? scary shit!

we're hitting the 6 weeks' mark and baby, i can't wait to be back by your side. took this when we were packing my luggage just before we headed over to ingrid's, i think. just check out that lust in his eyes. o man. :D

baby got this for me and little elmo flew all the way to aussie to find me! thanks baby!

my family of soft toys in sydney. i still have tons of them back home and i miss them so much. :(

from bottom left to right: blues from herng jye, hushies from dav, ollie and laurence and foody from gary.
from middle left to right: russ from aunt nancy, daffodil from daffodil charity, pups from baby, my bible from beng young, giggs from mervin and the quilt from my late great grandma.
right at the top: little elmo!

they form one big happy family on my bed. :D

hearts 16:55:00
0 spoken words

Monday, March 26, 2007

my health has taken a beating.
as of today, i'm on medical leave till this week's done.
yes, you heard me right. i'm on a week's medical leave.
doc's doesn't want me out of the house unnecessarily,
says my asthma might get triggered cos of the change in weather.

so yes, i'm down.
down for an entire week. :(

hearts 17:24:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, March 24, 2007

woke up today and managed to catch this man, whom i see as an elder brother, for a conversation. after the brief conversation, i started to think back on my own perspective on the issue at hand and wondered, as a female, would i have done the same? the issue in question is - shotgun marriages.

to date, i think i've known at least 5 marriages that occured due to the above issue. most of the time, i'm filled with joy within for these peeps, for marriage can be a truly beautiful union. however, at times i do worry. i worry if they are marrying cos they want to or cos they have to. it's quite a scary thought for me.

it might be due to the fact that i've been bumming at home, reading up my notes and finishing up my assignments, my brain became so freakingly active that i started thinking: "what if i was one of the two involved in such a matter, would i have done the same?" my initial reaction, honestly, was no. i would not. if i ever do get married, i wanna do it cos i wanna get married to that individual and not cos of an obligation to marry. i paused for a while after that, and started wondering why i would have such a stand. my mind just started drifting to the past...

i recalled how i used to tell a friend of mine, i believe it's peifang, that if i ever do get married first, it must be due to shotgun. if not, i'm probably the last of the lot of five then, to ever marry. then i started recalling how i once had a conversation with mervin that probably changed my entire perspective of thinking on shotgun marriages permanently. during the conversation, i began asking him what he would do if i was to fall pregnant with his kid. he probably took a while to think about it or maybe none at all (i can't recall) but his answer was that he would ask me to go for an abortion. i was really upset and asked him why. he revealed that his financial situation at that time was just not sufficient for him to support a family and feels that abortion is the best solution.

for those peeps out there who know me well enough, they should know i'm dead set against abortion. i'm a pro-life individual. why? cos i believe that no one, and i mean, NO ONE has the right to remove the rights of an individual to live. this is debatable, of course. how do you determine if a foetus is considered an individual with rights? what constitutes to being a person? my point of view is that as long as it's viable for the individual to have a shot in life (meaning no major deformities that will seriously impede the child's growth, intellectuality and survival in the real world when he/she eventually grows up), no one should deprive them of that chance.

after that conversation with mervin, my mind was definitely set. i would never get married due to shotgun, whether or not the other party is willing to share the responsibility. cos i'll never know if one day, this responsibilty will turn into a burden for the other party. i rather bring the kid to Earth and raise it on my own than to see him/her being potentially neglected by a father figure that's never there; i rather bring the kid to Earth and let a loving and supportive couple adopt him/her to ensure him/her a life that he/she deserves. i was very adamant about this.

then i recalled a recent conversation i had with bird. about the above circumstance and asked what he would have done. he replied that with his current age and financial situation, he would marry the girl. now, i got upset again and i asked him why would you marry someone out of obligation? that's just wrong. he looked at me, bewildered i guess, and said that he's not marrying the girl out of obligation. fair enough that there's a kid in tow but he is taking that step only cos he knows he loves the girl as well. but honestly, how would you know that you're truly marrying for love and not for that extra baggage? i don't think anyone would ever know.

say if you remove the kid from the equation, there's just the both of you. would you have popped the question? i doubt so. for most cases, i see most peeps being popped the question only cos of circumstance. they HAD to and not cos they want to. marriage is truly getting to be an extremely fearful object of union to me. law-binding, contractual and all. it has become a tangible union...

at the end of it, i guess marriage is just not my cup of tea. but bird would add, the time is just not right yet.

hearts 17:24:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, March 22, 2007

wedding bells ringing in the air,
the overgrown child began to crave.
a deep crave for some stability,
a stability that contradicts her being.

brushing it off as whims and fancies,
a brat's desire for what she doesn't have.
jealousy that encaged her vision,
a vision so narrow that kills her soul.

what can a child comprehend,
especially the affairs of the adults.
the child resides in an old house,
a house that will own her one day.

hearts 22:37:00
0 spoken words

Monday, March 19, 2007

my blogthings of the week.

You Communicate Like a Woman

You empathize, talk things out, and express your emotions freely.
You're a good listener, and you're non-judgmental with your advice.
Communication is how you connect with people.
You're always up for a long talk, no matter how difficult the subject matter is.
Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.
What Color Green Are You?

You Are Very Skeptical

Your personal motto is: "Prove it."
While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice...
You aren't going to believe them simply because it feels good.
You let science and facts be your guide... Even if it means you don't share the beliefs of those around you.
How Skeptical Are You?

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person.
You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way.
But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral.
Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.
Can You Keep Your Emotions in Check?

You Are 49% Burned Out

You're fairly burned out, and it shows.
You probably have been feeling a little rundown and irritable lately.
If you can, drop a few of your minor responsibilities and focus on what's really important.
You have too much on your plate, and it's catching up with you.
Are You Burned Out?

Your Ex is Histrionic

Your ex is hot and cold - a total drama queen or king.
Your ex can't survive without tons of dramatics, attention, and approval.
People with histrionic personality disorder are inappropriately seductive, prone to rapid mood swings, and rash decision makers.
Sound at all familiar?
What's Wrong With Your Ex?

not very true but o well. heh. did it for fun. :D

Your Kissing Purity Score: 29% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.
Kissing Purity Test

hearts 23:00:00
0 spoken words

. pancakes on the rock .

davina and i at opera bar. it's too dark to really see the place. :(

my choice of sin - the ultimate. crepes with creamy cheese in the centre, strawberry syrup all around with a scoop of ice cream and strawberries. it's my biggest vice!

charles' chocolate devil - hot 'n' troppo.

davina's the only angel, sticking to the greens - chicken caesar salad.

charles and davina got me tickled pink by asking me to picture baby in pink thongs.

charles and i at pancakes on the rock.

hearts 00:45:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, March 17, 2007

this morning i woke up feeling very blessed.

i'm blessed with a loving boyfriend who will do all that he can to talk to me on the phone or on skype daily, text me every now and then just to show his care and concern. despite my flaws, he still trust me and constantly reassures me. he loves me for who i am. i'm so blessed.

i'm blessed with my two lovely mambo laydees, whom i know that if anything was to go wrong, they'll be standing by my side, supporting me through like i would be supporting them. whom i miss so dearly every single day and night and praying that all will be well for them. i'm really very blessed.

i'm blessed with a doting housemate, who never fails to listen whenever i meet some really silly crisis that i created within my mind. who loves me as who i am and never doubted my value and worth. i'm terribly blessed.

i'm blessed with beautiful friends, be it that they are in sydney or in singapore, who willingly put up with my whines, whim and fancy. trusts me with their issues in life and love me as i love them. i'm very very blessed.

i'm blessed with a supportive family. though we have our differences, i know that when crunch time comes, they will be there, as always to see me through it. they were the first friends i had and i love them all the same. i'm truly blessed.

most importantly, i was blessed with having herng jye as my buddy. who guided me when i was lost. who held my hands to comfort me. who was the first to love and accept me for who i am, other than my family. who never lose faith in me. though he's no longer on this earth, breathing the same air as me, i am blessed, forever blessed by this man whom i've came to love so dearly and whom my heart will always love and adore. he blessed me with his love and this blessing will never end.

i'm so so blessed by good ol' Daddy. i love You, for giving me so many beautiful gifts that i took so long to realise and most importantly, for loving me despite all that i've done. You are my savior, my blessed Lamb, my Lord and my Christ. :)

hearts 17:12:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

li lien, don't know if i'm the clara you're referring to on your blog but i do read your blog so here it is!

[my name is]: clara
[in the morning i am]: frantically hitting my alarm's snooze button and contemplating to wake or sleep.
[all i need is]: discipline
[i’m afraid of]: my past
[i dream about] lately, it has been more nightmares than dreams.

[colour]: black, white, navy blue, teal, pink, orange, green.
[number]: 0
[subject]: theatre & performance studies
[clothing brand]: gg>5 but their stuff are so expensive. :(
[shoe brand]: i honestly don't have much of a preference.
[sport to play]: swimming
[drink]: water/alcohol/milk
[animal]: dog
[holiday]: anyway by the beach. :)
[favourite line from a movie] : "It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity" by Merovingian from the Matrix Revolutions
[band]: no particular favorites at the moment.

[makes you laugh the most]: bird. :)
[makes you smile]: all my friends.
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: some stranger who tries to be funny.
[has a crush on you]: not that i know
[easiest to talk to]: my mambo laydees - ingrid and zhongying, dav, nick and baby.

do you ever..
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to i.m. you?]: yep.
[save aol/aim conversations]: yes.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: yes.
[cry because of someone saying something to you]: yes.

have you ever..
[fallen for your best friend]: yes.
[been rejected]: yes
[rejected someone]: yes
[used someone]: yes.
[been cheated on]: yes.
[done something you regret]: yes.

who was the last person
[you talked to on the phone]: dav.
[hugged]: blues, the dog plushie my bud gave me.
[you instant messaged]: alvin.
[you laughed with]: must be one of the girls, if not, baby.

do you / are you
[smoke cigarettes]: yes. stopping actually.
[obsessive]: i could get obsessive, of the stuff i want.
[could you live without the computer]: i could, if there's no internet.
[how many peeps are on your buddylist]: i've no freaking idea.
[what’s your favorite food]: right now, i'm craving for my wanton mee.
[fruit]: do you fruit? are you fruit? what's this question suppose to mean?
[drink alcohol]: yes.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: sunset
[trust others way too easily]: no

[of times u have had your heart broken]: enough to make me jaded.
[of hearts u have broken]: all's fair in game and play.
[of continents I have lived in]: two
[of drugs taken illegally]: no.
[of tight friends]: 4
[of cds that i own]: God knows. i buy them, i rip them into my lappie, i lose them. :(
[of books]: i have no idea as well, i know i just added another 13 to them.
[of scars on my body]: i have no idea as well!
[of things in my past that I regret]: enough to keep me occupied for the rest of my life.

pick one..
[marry perfect friend or perfect lover]: perfect lover cos my perfect lover has to be my perfect friend. but really, i would rather choose not to marry in my current state of mind.
[cats or dogs]: dogs.
[1 or 2 pillows]: two.
[with or without ice cubes]: with
[top or bottom]: bottom.
[winter / spring / summer / fall]: fall
[night or day]: night
[gloves or mittens]: gloves
[dressed or undressed]: dressed.
[bunk or water bed: bunk
[mtv or vh1]: mtv
[ocean or pool]: ocean
[showers or baths]: baths
[love or lust]: love.
[silver or gold]: silver.
[diamonds or pearls]: diamonds are a girl’s best friend (i couldn't agree more with you, li lien!)

if you could..
[move anywhere]: i don't know. haven't really found a place where i state for definite, "omg. i must live here."
[meet one famous person]: dead or alive? dead: princess diana. alive: johnny depp or robbie williams.
[live with one person the rest of your life]: myself. the rest are just too uncertain.
[name one thing you love]: my plushies.
[name one thing that embarrasses you:]: myself.

[do you like school]: it's fine till i've to read like tons of fucking shits.
[do you like to talk on the telephone]: yes.
[do you like to dance]: yes.
[do you sing in the shower]: at times.
[do you think cheerleading is a sport]: yes
[what’s on your ceiling]: just one light and a sprinkler.
[what’s the hardest thing about growing up]: losing my buddy.

hearts 23:45:00
0 spoken words

in my oneiric theatre,

i see us cuddling in bed, making tender love to the romantic melodies of romance as the morning breaks.

i smell the air of spring as i run side by side with you in the midst of other peeps soaking in the glorious rays.

i taste the sweetness of your lips as our fingers intertwine, standing still within the chaotic crowd of rush hour.

i feel the tingling touch of your hands running through my locks and down my flesh, bringing us to ecstasy.

i hear the oceans crashing as we held each other in warm embrace, thoughts aflutter and i wonder what you're thinking...

for in my oneiric theatre, my voice uttered a silent prayer - for you to be happy and to be safe. cos i love you, and i pray that you prayed the same.

happy 1st month baby. :)

hearts 03:33:00
0 spoken words

read jess' blog earlier. was a little torn by her latest entry but i know this day will have to come, sooner or later.

baby was right. i can't expect her to stay single all her life just cos of my bud's foolish decision. she deserves to be happy more than anybody else and i know he will want her to be happy too. i admit that i was rather upset initially but after talking to baby about it and reflecting on it, i realised how selfish i was.

the past has to go since the deed is done.
the present is our gift for our deeds in the past.
the future will hold the beacon of light from our struggles in the sea.

so jess, like him, i just want you to be happy. i'm sorry for being selfish earlier but now, i realised my mistake. take the bold steps ahead of you. pursue your own happiness. embrace your future. for you deserve so much, so much. i might not chat with you much but i'll always be a friend who loves you and wants the best for you. and i believe he, too, wants the best for you. :)

hearts 00:57:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

it's kievan's birthday today.

happy 2nd birthday little one. :)

hearts 18:02:00
0 spoken words

Monday, March 12, 2007

when clara is bored, she goes to blogthings to do random quizzes and here she goes again...

Your Love Type: ENTP

The Visionary

In love, you are always trying to improve and grow your relationship.
For you, sex should be a spontaneous adventure.

Overall, you are magnetic, inspiring, and a charmer.
However, you tend to get bored and want to change partners frequently.

Best matches: INFJ and INTJ
What's Your Love Type?

You Are 85% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Off the Charts!

Let's face it... you're one of the sexiest people around. And you don't let anyone forget it.
You're crazy hot, and you deliver on what you promise. You are definitely one wild ride.
How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.
You're the type of person who goes along to get along.
And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat.

Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart.
You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it.
Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.
What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Your Lust Quotient: 75%

You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you!
You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.
How Much Lust Do You Have?

Your Passion is Yellow

You're a total sexual shape shifter.
You possess a complex sex drive and are very adaptable.
Of all the colors, you are the most likely to be bisexual.
While you the most passionate, you are very open minded.
What Color Is Your Passion?

You Are 48% Spoiled

You're a little spoiled, but you're not spoiled rotten.
You love to be showered with gifts and affection, but you're good at keeping your demands to a minimum!
Are You Spoiled?

what... you mean i'm not completely spoilt? lol.

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.
What's Your Thinking Style?

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party.
You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!
What Mixed Drink Are You?

i think i've done enough blogthings for the day. :)

sometimes, my insecurities do get the better of me.
sometimes, i wonder about the possible opportunities that is in store for you.
sometimes, i wonder if my role would change.

sometimes, i just do a little too much thinking.
so thank you for reassuring me. :)

hearts 23:16:00
0 spoken words

Friday, March 09, 2007

what happens when all that you're running away from is exactly what you've been looking for?
will you stop and turn back for all that you've thrown out, discarded as you flee?
will you carry on in your race and never look back, learning the art of amnesia along the way?

what will you do?
what will you do?

hearts 22:40:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

dedicated to my mum who reads my blog but whom i rarely acknowledge in this ever-growing blog of mine

A mother's love is like an island
In life's ocean vast and wide,
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the restless, rising tide.

A mother's love is like a fortress
And we seek protection there
When the waves of tribulation
Seem to drown us in despair.

A mother's love is a sanctuary
Where our soul can find sweet rest
From the struggle and the tension
Of life's fast and futile quest.

A mother's love is like a tower
Rising far above the crowd,
And her smile is like the sunshine
Breaking through a threatening cloud.

A mother's love is like a beacon
Burning bright with Faith and Prayer
And through the changing scenes of life
We can find a haven there....

For a mother's love is fashioned
After God's enduring love,
It is endless and unfailing
Like the love of Him above.

For God knew in His great wisdom
That he couldn't be everywhere,
So he put His little Children
In a loving mother's care.

-- Helen Steiner Rice's A Mother's Love

you messaged me today. you questioned the disparity between two families and wondered out loud why is it so. i couldn't answer for i believe that one can only figure out her own emotions on their own, for it takes a lifetime for one to know another and i've only known you for less than half of yours.

my life - the greatest gift you've ever given unto me.
your love - the most beautiful gift any individual could shower me in unconditionally.

despite my many flaws, despite the many heartbreaks i collected in my ways of life, you still took me into your arms and sheltered me from the world's harm. you despaired when you watch me stray to the dark side yet you never thought twice when i needed you by my side. you cried when things went out of hand with me yet you never failed to smile when i needed it most. you slapped me when i retorted yet the waves of acute heartache throbbed through the night in yours.

you watch me grow from nothing more than a cell in your body to who i am today. you are always on my side, never on the fence or the opposition. you doubted my decisions yet supported them fully as you believed in me.

i was truly your baby and still, at almost 22 years of age, i will always be your baby.

lotsa love from the seemingly ingrate but truly grateful daughter of yours,

hearts 16:12:00
0 spoken words

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life.
But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.
Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.
Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!
How Happy Are You, Really?

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.
What Type of Writer Should You Be?

You Are 46% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?
Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.
Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself!
Are You Addicted to Love?

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not!

You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.
The Underwear Oracle

hearts 12:27:00
0 spoken words

Monday, March 05, 2007

it has been raining since the night before. the lightnings flashed and thunders roared through the night. woke up to the cold breeze, completely different from the day before - the blazing hot sun and still air. as i made my way to school, my heart began to feel heavy and it started to hurt once again. i thought nothing of it, thinking it's just little miss morbid soaking up the gray skies that she love so dearly but i should have known better cos i found myself fighting back my emotions soon enough.

after my day's lessons were done with, i began my long and slow walk from the upper campus to the bus stop at the lower campus. as i walked down the steps, my ipod began to play christina milian's until i get over you and all of a sudden, i could feel the burning sensation in my eyes as i began to sniffle and fight back my tears. i began to think of him once more and wonder how long more would it take for me to move on from his death. i began to ask myself if this pain could ever go away. i stared at the stairs in front of me and remembered how i felt when i saw graduates taking photos happily just last semester. how my heart crushed and my voice begging to be released from it's prisons and out to heaven for him to hear.

it's been 8 months, it's not really long but neither is it short. i should just let the past be but i can't. how could i? i remembered in the last dream i had of him, he told me to let it all go, let him go. i woke up in tears. i've been living in constant guilt, constantly replaying that very night's event in my head. why didn't i just message him one last time? why didn't i say to him "i love you" one last time as i would normally have when he's unwell, physically or emotionally? i want to cry so badly but i can't. my tears ran out long ago and my promise to him, i must keep to it.

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I’m with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain every time I hear your name

The sun won’t shine since you went away
Seems like the rain’s falling every day
There’s just one heart, where there once was two
But that’s the way it’s gotta be,
‘til I get over you…

Verse 2:
Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can’t escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here

When will this river of tears stop fallin’
Where can I run so I won’t feel alone
Can’t walk away when the pain keeps callin’
I’ve just gotta take it from here on my own
But it’s so hard to let go

-- Christina Milian's Until I Get Over You

buddy, tell me that i'll see you soon.
i can't take this long-distance any longer.
no phonecalls, no messages, nothing.

how long more must this torment go on?
how long more can i handle these emotions?
buddy, tell me that i'll see you soon...

i beg of you.

hearts 23:02:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.

-- William Shakespeare

hearts 17:40:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.
How Rare Is Your Personality?

Travel Horoscope for Virgo

When you travel, you need to keep active and on the go.
You want a vacation where you can keep moving and keep things exciting.

You should travel to:

What's Your Travel Horoscope?

well, i'm in sydney. :p

Your Heart Is Red

You're a passionate lover - you always have a huge fire in your heart.
Too bad it's hard for you to be passionate about just one person!

Your flirting style: Outgoing and sexy

Your lucky first date: Drinks and dancing

Your dream lover: Is both stable and intense

What you bring to relationships: Honesty
What Color Heart Do You Have?

hearts 19:15:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, March 01, 2007

like a kid in the candy store.
with no adults' supervision.


hearts 23:21:00
0 spoken words

The Missing Sound
- Marti Pellow -

The notes in my life
were so out of time
then you came to me
and not a moment too soon
now the song I sing
has no reason or rhyme...oh baby
you've filled in the parts
that I never seemed to find
You are the missing sound
in my life
the missing part of me
you are the missing sound
in my life
you make my life complete

Until you came along
I rearched the world in vain
all my songs of love
were a sad refrain
but you changed my tune
put it perfectly in time..oh baby
you showed me the way
and you opened up my mind

You are the missing sound
in my life
the missing part of me
you are the missing sound
in my life
you make my life complete

Your love fills me up
and it's music to my ears...oh baby
the sound of my love
playing on through the years

You are the missing sound
in my life
the missing part of me
you are the missing sound
from my life
you make my life complete
you are the missing sound
from my life
the missing part of me

hearts 15:51:00
0 spoken words