walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

Created by Wedding Favors

time constrained


another dimension



partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.


communication channels
christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

past inhabited
August 2003
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many bows
pictures: one
brushes: one two
pattern: one
designer: sweet_surrender
others: blogger blogskins


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Thursday, September 30, 2004

I cherish all of you.

Somehow I just fail to translate that into actions.

hearts 03:41:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Sometimes I think that I think a little too much.

Today I was directed to Isaiah 7-8 for my quiet time with Him. It spoke about the Immanuel Prophecy and the impending birth of Christ.

Lord loves me so deeply that He's willing to forsake His only Son. I'm indebted to His love.

"The Lord of hosts, Him you shall hallow;
Let Him be your fear,
And let Him be your dread.
He will be as a sanctuary,
But a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense
To both the houses of Israel,
As a trap and a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem
And many among them shall stumble;
They shall fall and be broken,
Be snared and taken."
-- Isaiah 8:13-15

O Lord,

Please let me not be amongst the fallen and broken. Let me draw strength from Thee and be Thy faithful servant. Let me not be snared and taken by Satan. Give me the strength and wisdom to carry on in this spiritual fight of good and evil. God, my only Lord and Savior. I pray to you for courage to carry on in this walk of faith.

Amen.

hearts 03:31:00
0 spoken words


Thanks for pulling the guilt trap on me.

It succeeded.

hearts 00:29:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I laid awake last night and asked God to speak to me.

He pointed me to the readings of Song of Solomon 5-6.

"I sleep but my heart is awake;
It is the voice of my beloved!
He knocks, saying,
"Open for me, my sister, my love,
My dove, my perfect one;
For my head is covered with dew,
My locks with the drops of the
night." -- Song of Solomon 5:2

I laid and I pondered. It's weird, isn't it? I'm probably the least Christ-like of the lot and probably one that rebels the most against Him yet, in my times of need, I run to Him.

O Lord, You've been so faithful to this undeserving servant.

Last night, I laid in tears in my bed. I've no idea what brought tears to my eyne but I cried in silence. I wanted to reach out to someone. Wanted to call someone but as I browse through my phonebook, I realised those that I cherish takes me for granted yet those that I've not place equal importance upon are those who truly cared.

I cried at this realisation and I can only seek Him for answers. He was faithful. He answered and calmed me back to sleep.

Dark thoughts weaved in my mind
As I lay in silence in the night.
The warfare has taken its toll
On not just faith but my mind.

I prayed for forgiveness earnestly
And prayed for guidance through.
You answered not just once
With promises and love like before.

I lift my hands up in praise to You
With gratitude towards Your mercy.
My Saviour, my King and my only God,
I thank You for Your overflowing love.

hearts 16:41:00
0 spoken words


Taking things for granted.
Being taken for granted.
When you told me of the possibility, I scorned.
Now I understand.

I won't be here forever...
Someday....
Maybe just someday...
The realisation will dawn.

hearts 03:04:00
0 spoken words

Monday, September 27, 2004

Baby, 对不起
Coco Lee

听到我的电话 响了一生就暂停
会不会是你 我总怀疑
因为这原因 心情不稳定
我们之间的问题 是我不相信你
敏感又多心 怕你变了新
因为爱你 害怕失去你
爱的天气总是阴晴不定 爱的情绪也在欢笑中哭泣

(baby)响对你说生对不起
用错了方式去爱你 因为我太在意
(如果没有你) 我的世界只剩回忆
每天只面对孤寂 已来不及
再说我爱你

自从那天分手后 停不住泪滴
想念一个人 能忘记自己
让我爱你什么都愿意
如果能在遇见你 把你抱紧
从此步分离 决不放弃

我要告诉你 baby i'm sorry

Lyrics taken from Box-up.

hearts 03:41:00
0 spoken words


The Chinese version of Purest of Pain.

I think he who received this song from me, will understand my previous post now.

hearts 00:40:00
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Sunday, September 26, 2004

Sometimes, I just wish you knew how important you are to me.

From then, till now.

Coco Lee did me in.

hearts 06:03:00
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One song and all the memories came back.

hearts 05:53:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, September 25, 2004

A man doing Bruce Lee's stunts.

A woman peeing in public.
In full view of everyone at the coffeeshop and interchange.

Succumbing to pressure.

hearts 03:14:00
0 spoken words

Friday, September 24, 2004

I've my own medical box.

Druggie.

hearts 01:19:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, September 23, 2004

The wise man of the society spoke.

"You caused yourself to be depress..."
"Human propose; God dispose..."
"You are a reasonable and understanding girl, however, you're too submissive..."
"You make things complicated for yourself..."
"You worry too much..."
"You have inferiority complex and seeks for attention..."
"You try too hard to please everyone..."
"Losing your true identity to the society..."
"You've grown too comfortable to this destructive mould of yours, that's why you are unwilling to shed it off..."


A brief 25mins journey resulted in God using this voice to speak.

Bible readings:
Ecclesiastes 10-12

Coincidence or divine intervention?

hearts 00:55:00
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Did I mention that I dislike insecurity and the inability to understand? -sigh-

hearts 03:39:00
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Remember Me This Way
- Jordan Hill -
Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down

Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found

I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
-----*-----
Dedicated to Woof. I miss you!!

hearts 03:15:00
0 spoken words


A fear resides within me.
It haunts me day and night
Tormenting me with thoughts
Of eternal pain and loneliness.

When dawn breaks and sun shines,
Nature draws my breath into tranquil.
Then the cold air trickles down
And I feel alone in the light.

Yet when night falls and stars alit,
Tears drop like little glittering stars.
My mind wanders treacherously round
And the composition of fear plays.

When will I taste sweetness that once was?
When will I see daylight in it's purest?
When will I see night and feel romance?
A fear resides in me that few knows.

hearts 03:07:00
0 spoken words


Criteria for Guys
  1. Older guys (preferably 24 and above)
  2. Independent
  3. Mature
  4. Able to respect my need for space
  5. All races are fine.
  6. Preferably Christian

Did I mention younger guys tend to get me SERIOUSLY irritated? damn.


hearts 01:13:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Woof, I miss you already. -sigh- We didn't even get our final meeting. I miss you. The last I saw you was the impromptu meeting I had with you near SAJC and well, I miss you soo much.

Please do remember to drop me a message k?? -huggles-

hearts 07:14:00
0 spoken words

Friday, September 17, 2004

I hate pain. My bloody headache and that stupid cramps of mine is killing me.

hearts 17:12:00
0 spoken words


There's this deep sense of longing building up within me again.

Nearly cried on my way to school whilst listening to WOW Worship Red Disc 1. One song that touched me in particular was Once Again by Matt Redman & Tim Hughes.

I just didn't know what to do and I was just struck there and then.

Once Again
Matt Redman & Tim Hughes

Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've wondered at Your gift of life
And I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again
And once again I look upon
The cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy
And I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life
Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow
But for now, I marvel at this saving grace
I'm full of praise once again
I'm full of praise once again
(repeat chorus 2x)
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my Friend



hearts 01:17:00
0 spoken words


Waterfall
Waterfall


?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

hearts 00:36:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Just wanna tell you baby girl that I'm here for you all the way. You can have my shoulders to lean on; cry on. You can have my ears to whine to. You can have my arms to hug you and no matter what, I'll not let go.

We're all here for you.

hearts 03:11:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

You are Blue Koala, who is extremely honest person, and will say things that come up in your mind straightly.

You are also active and very cheerful.
You also possess feminine attraction and have distinguished atmosphere.
You are very popular, and tend to be with lots of people.
You value your friends too.
But unlike your outlook, you don't like to loose and are a strong-minded person.
You possess strong will-power, and are independent enough to carry things out without getting the help of the others.
You have great creativity sense and are much talented in this.
You act simply, but you possess complicated inner emotions.
You may be thought little bit eccentric.
You like to lead varied life, and try to change the atmosphere yourself too.
You can make quick decisions, and possess courage.
You are well liked by both men and women.
You have great sense of instinct and can get right at the point of things.
You can affect people as well.
You are very strict on money.
You will not go buying things on impulse.
Someone you love and your love life is what is most important to you in your life.
You possess great natural skill to manipulate men.
You should not rush into marriage after a passionate love.

hearts 03:35:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

"I wanted something real and lasting but you were looking for a no strings attached kinda relationship."

Fuck you.

hearts 17:15:00
0 spoken words

Monday, September 13, 2004

You called me a player.

Y'know, it takes a player to know another.

hearts 22:50:00
0 spoken words


A man can be an artist in anything. Food... wine... it depends on how good
he is at it. Creasey's art is death, and he's about to paint his masterpiece.
Stay out of his way.

-- Rayburn in Man on Fire

I'm an artist too. And my masterpiece will be shown soon. LOL. I hope.

hearts 01:12:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Feeling safe and secure.

The thought frightens.

And as for last night, it was a total blast. Still laughing at the thoughts of it. LOL.

hearts 16:19:00
0 spoken words


And the bubble bursts.
He goes scrambling to pick up th pieces
Only to realise, he has lost the game.

Loser.

hearts 07:33:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I CALLED SIVERT YESTERDAY!!! AND HE SOUNDS GOOD ON THE PHONE!!! LOL.


german: are you 2 a couple?
girl: (turns to boy) are we a couple?
boy: (nods) yes. (kisses girl)

girl stares on... in bewilderment.

hearts 20:11:00
0 spoken words

Friday, September 10, 2004

Thank You
- Christina Milian -

Verse 1
Once upon a time I walked an easy road
Didn't think I needed anyone.
I could make it on my own
Never thought about tomorrow, just livin' day to day
Never thought these clouds would come along
And bring me so much pain
When my world was upside down
I didn't think that I could make it,
Reached out my hand for you
And you were there to take it

Chorus
I wanna thank you
For being my strength when I thought I couldn't go on
And I wanna thank you
For showing me right when my heart was leading me wrong
For all the times I was lost and my soul was blind
And I didn't know what to do
Somehow you pulled me through, and I wanna thank you

Verse 2:
When I was down and on my knees,
Looked up and you were there
Somehow you knew and found me
You were the answer to my prayers
You shined a light when it was dark,
And opened up my eyes
You led the way when I was lost
And you helped me realize
That I will never walk alone, cause you'll be by my side
I don?t know what I'd ever do without you in my life

Bridge:
With every step I take
You show me there's a way
And in your hands, my heart will never go astray
So each and every day.I wanna.

I wanna thank you
Thank you for the love you gave me
And every time you were there to save me
Thank you for being right by my side
When I thought that I couldn't make it
Reached out my hand
You were there to take it
Thank you for being here in my life
For all of the joy


-------*-------

To all my beautiful friends. :D

hearts 01:54:00
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Been feeling so lethargic lately. -yawns-

I need a break.

hearts 00:22:00
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

"Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite
of them and you have found a lover for life."


~ Leo Buscaglia

hearts 16:54:00
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Monday, September 06, 2004

Romantic Liars.
Romantic Deception.

My new bible.

hearts 23:18:00
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It's pretty obvious now that I'm LATE for school.

So ya, had fun meeting up with Ingrid and Zhongying. Heh. How I wish I've my 1 week holiday this week as well and I'll paint the town RED.

hearts 15:15:00
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Met up with Zhongying and Ingrid today. Wee~ Ingrid has a really HUGE appetite, which is good. Means she'll be meatier. :D

hearts 03:11:00
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Sunday, September 05, 2004

The defending champions prevailed!

Girls, you did us proud and I'm proud to have been working with you all! :D

hearts 16:55:00
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Friday, September 03, 2004

"I'm already trying very hard. I hope you know that."

I do. And because I do, I've to be cold...

hearts 02:31:00
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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Weighing the pros and cons.

Leans towards the right.

hearts 01:07:00
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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Max : I'm sorry.
Felix : Sorry? Sorry does not put humpty dumpty back together again.

-- when Max posed as Vincent to retrieve the last few pieces on information in Collateral.

hearts 02:28:00
0 spoken words