walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.

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christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

what you did yesterday,
i will probably never forget.

a fleeting thought crossed my mind.
i remember how i told you my only regret -
that i'm just not as important to you as the rest.

you just made it more certain for me.

hearts 18:08:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, December 22, 2005

we had a good chat that night.
our actions spoke quite a bit.
our words filled in the gaps.
our gaze reflected it all.

and all i pray for is that at the end of the tunnel,
it's us you see and it's us you're running towards to.

hearts 16:20:00
0 spoken words

Friday, December 16, 2005

this time a few months back,
the tangibles and the intangibles were packed in.

this time now,
the intangibles are vulnerable
but the tangibles are still packed in.

hearts 22:41:00
0 spoken words

in less than 48 hours,
sunbathing will no longer be history.
cold air yet glaring sun
will be a feature of the past.
all for just three weeks.


hearts 00:10:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, December 15, 2005

the riots are not as bad as you guys think.
yes, it's considered near to my place
but no, it's still far from my place.
so yes, i'm safe.


hearts 01:57:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

i promise to be better.
i promise for you,
i promise for me,
i promise for us,

i will be better.

hearts 23:10:00
0 spoken words

note to self:

  1. stop being an irritant.
  2. stop being insecure.
  3. start becoming more confident.
  4. learn to be more independent.
  5. remember 1 corinthians 13:4-8.

hearts 00:58:00
0 spoken words

Monday, December 12, 2005

let's put it to practice.

now. of all times.
i really wish it would just hit me.
cos i'm tired.

hearts 23:18:00
0 spoken words

i never knew it was that difficult to talk to me.


whatever questions i wanted to ask,
i think i've gotten the answers.

hearts 21:48:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, December 11, 2005

last night.
after all the wailing.
a new friend pointed me to the word.
he directed me to 1 corinthians 13:4-8

love suffers long and is kinda; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
love never fails.

because of what He said.
i will bear all things.
i will believe all things.
i will hope all things.
i will endure all things.
for love never fails.
and i believe in us.

hearts 22:33:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, December 10, 2005

read the word last night.
was directed to jeremiah.
and i read something that troubled.
that made me cry.

what i fear most.
what i dread most.
it's occurring now.
God has banished me.

Father, i wanna come home.

hearts 23:40:00
0 spoken words

Friday, December 09, 2005

i was excited to go home like 1-2 weeks ago.
now, i'm not so sure.
i feel like i'm trying too hard for something that is so far far away from me.

a dear friend spoke to me today.
asked me why am i doing this to myself.
being faithful when i'm not even in it.
keeping to myself and rejecting all fancies when he might not be doing the same;
when he might be having rendevous with other ladies.

all i could reply was i just don't feel right.
that if that's what he wanna do, it's in his rights.
that i just wanna play my part in this.
that i can still handle the hurt and pain.

but it's really getting a little over the limit.
just a little.
i'm still surviving.
i'm still floating.
but how long more can i take this hot and cold nature?

i'm falling apart and you're my only rope.

hearts 23:22:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full
measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and
running over. Whatever measure you use in giving -- large or small
-- it will be used to measure what is given back to you."
(Luke 6:38 NLT)

my gift must have gotten lost in the mail cos i feel drained.

hearts 22:49:00
0 spoken words

i wish howard would just do me then i can be in the likes of clementine and mary.

getting really weary.
and all you wanna do is just that.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

hearts 21:27:00
0 spoken words

i've been trying my best to reach out to you.
but of course, my best was never good enough.

thanks for everything.

hearts 01:33:00
0 spoken words

Monday, December 05, 2005

internet is finally back up.
had a series of unfortunate events.
decided on a few.

DNRR - maybe it's time.

hearts 23:36:00
0 spoken words