walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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time constrained


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benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.


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Monday, September 28, 2009

in my conscious mind, i know that it's all over.
moving on, moving forwards, maintaining relations.

in my unconscious mind, a struggle ensues.
the oneiric theatre refusing to let the curtain fall.

hearts 11:19:00
4 spoken words

Sunday, September 27, 2009

it has been 4 years and 2 days since i took on the path of overseas education.
honestly, i've never thought i'm the type that will get homesick.
maybe my friends did, but, myself? never thought of myself that way.

but now, i can truly say this.
i'm homesick and i really just wanna graduate and fuck off.

then again, it could simply be that i'm honestly getting quite sick and tired of sydney.
it's getting too boring for me.

sigh, november come soon please.

hearts 18:27:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

you know something is not right when you're craving for a good night's sleep, only to find yourself dreaming about the fact that it's now week 9.

the good night's sleep became a complete nightmare within hours. :(

hearts 15:36:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, September 19, 2009

my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary 3 days ago.
25 years.
that's like no joke.

then i remembered bucket list. and suddenly, i realise that as long as there's love, commitment and trust, you're pretty guaranteed for life.

of course, there will be the downside of marriage.
bickering especially.
still, i guess that's where commitment comes in to hand to bind you in, love to make you see above the flaws and trust to remind you that this is one individual you know will probably never fail you.

happy belated 25th. :)

hearts 23:10:00
0 spoken words


just because i'm a procrastinator and i happened to be reading zhongying's blog.
1) are you in a relationship with somebody?
yuppity yup.

2) do you hate more than 3 people?
hate is a very strong word. i just don't associate with them.

3) how many houses have you lived in?
ean kiam, bedok south, tampines (for 1 night, bleah!), bedok reservoir view and at times, pasir ris. so i guess that's 5 in total for singapore. in sydney, there's chippendale, ultimo and broadway plus a brief stay in the city so 4. all in all, 9!

4) favourite candy bar?
kinder bueno is probably my biggest temptation.

5) favourite shoes?
my muji canvas shoes. omg. so comfy!

6) have you ever tripped someone?
maybe? i can't recall.

7) least favourite school subject?
seriously, i'm thinking law now. i'm tortured.

8) missing question

9) do you own a britney spears CD?
nope.

10) have you ever thrown up in public?
yup.

11) name one thing that is always on your mind.
i wanna holiday.

12) favourite genre of music?
wow. depends on the occasion i guess.

13) what is your zodiac sign?
virgo/ox.

14) what time were you born?
somewhere in the morning.

15) do you like beer?
lo-carb please. carlton dry lime-infused gets me going all the time. if not, a pure blonde is good too.

16) ever made a prank phone call?
actually, zhongying, i think we did try. at ingrid's wedding. :x

17) what is the most embarrassing CD you own?
echoboys. not exactly embarrassing. just that no one would have thought someone would buy their CDs.

18) are you sarcastic?
am i? that's for the receiving end to answer.

19) what are your favorite colors?
white. black.

20) how many watches do you own?
three i think.

21) summer or winter?
summer please.

23) favourite color to wear?
white/black.

24) pepsi or sprite?
sprite.

25) what color is your cell phone?
white/black.

26) where is your second home?
my sydney spot.

27) have you ever slapped someone?
yes.

28) have you ever had a cavity?
yes.

29) how many lamps are in your bedroom?
4.

30) how many video games do you own?
quite a few but i'm not sure how many.

31) what was your first pet?
two tortoises.

32) ever had braces?
yes.

33) do looks matter?
yes. then when the conversation gets going, it fades.

34) do you use chap stick?
i try to remember to use them but it's only when my lips start bleeding that i realised it's not on.

35) name 3 teachers from high school.
1) mr davamoni
2) miss nani
3) mr poh.

36) american eagle or abercombie?
a&f

37) are you too forgiving?
i give chances.

38) how many children do you want?
i think i'll stop at 1. too expensive to raise them, emotionally, physically and financially.

39) do you own something from hot topic?
what's that?

40) favourite breakfast meal?
american breakfast.

41) do you own a gun?
nope.

42) ever thought you were in love?
yep.

43) when was the last time you cried?
last sunday, when he left back for singapore.

44) what did you do 3 nights ago?
i think i was studying.

45) olive garden? boll weevil?
huh?

46) have you ever called your teacher mommy?
doubt so.

47) have you ever been in a castle?
nope.

48) nicknames?
lala

49) do you know anyone named bertha?
nope

50) ever been to kentucky?
nope.

51) do you own something from banana republic?
nope

52) are you thinking about somebody right now?
yes.

53) have you ever called someone boo?
to scare them, yes.

55) do you own a diamond ring?
i'm waiting, mr tan, i'm waiting. haha

56) are you happy with your life right now?
:)

57) do you dye your hair?
haven't for a while now.

58) does anyone like you?
you have to ask them.

59) what year were you born?
1985

60) what were you doing in may of 1994?
i've no idea. i was probably being me.

61) do you own a backstreet boys CD?
nope.

62) mcdonalds or wendys?
mos burger.

63) do you like yourself?
are you kidding? i'm my harshest critic.

64) are you closer to your mother or father?
mum.

65) favourite physical feature of the preferred sex?
i honestly have no idea. the one that popped into my mind doesn't seem to be proper to be answered in public.

66) are you afraid of the dark?
at times.

67) have you ever eaten paste?
if you're talking construction paste, no.

68) do you own a webcam?
yes.

69) have you ever stripped?
every single day. how the hell do you get showered then?

70) ever broke a bone?
fracture - yes.

71) missing question

72) do you chat on AIM often?
nope.

73) pringles or lays?
red rock deli anytime.

74) have you ever broken someone's heart?
i hope so. at least that meant i mattered to someone.

75) rugrats or doug?
are they cartoons?

76) full house or the brady bunch?
another question mark.

77) did you like your high school guidance counselor?
who was my counselor?

78) has anyone ever called you fat?
loads.

79) do you have a birth mark?
er. i don't know actually. haha.

80) do you own a car?
in aussie.

81) can you cook?
yes. whether it taste nice is secondary to the question.

82) 3 things that annoy you.
quite a lot actually. i annoy myself at times.

83) do you text message often?
yes.

84) money or love?
can't i have both? if not, love please.

85) do you have any scars?
i think i have a couple? does bcg scars count?

86) what do you want more than anything right now?
a holiday. till retirement.

87) do you enjoy scary movies?
no.

88) relationships or one night stands?
pending on the stage of life i'm in. currently, relationship sounds good.

89) big red or juicy fruit?
i'm lost.

90) do you enjoy greasy food?
if you mean greasy as in dripping with oil kind, no. my appetite just dies the moment i see the oil drip.

91) have you seen all the rocky movies?
i think only one of it.

92) do you own a box of crayons?
nope.

93) missing question

94) who was the last person that said they loved you?
my man.

95) who was the last person that made you mad?
mad? hmm. i can't recall. haha.

96) who was the last person that made you cry?
my man. for going back to singapore and i missed him so.

97) who was the last person that made you laugh?
honestly, my man still.

98) who was the last person that you fell for?
my man. and i'm still falling. :)

99) who was the last person that instant messaged you?
sherrie.

100) who was the last person that called you?
my man.

hearts 16:30:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, September 17, 2009

3 years and a little over 2 months ago, i felt myself dying. i thought, honestly, at that point in time that i'll never ever be even close to being whole again. a part of me died and lost the zeal to meet peeps, to be happy, to excel and, most importantly, be me.

now, 3 years and a little over 2 months later, i feeling rejuvenated slightly. i'm beginning to regain that zeal to meet new peeps, to learn to be happy, to try and excel and be who i am. all thanks to a present that, i believe, he and He gave the day before his should-have-been 21st birthday.

and till this day, i'm ever so grateful that he and He led my man into my life. :)

hearts 02:37:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, September 16, 2009



my redeemer lives - team hoyt


absolutely amazing this video. touching beyond words.
and do check out tangle.com, which is essentially the Christian version of youtube. :)

hearts 18:30:00
0 spoken words

Monday, September 14, 2009

to all my friends and to my man, of course -

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...
-- Wicked's For Good

hearts 22:38:00
0 spoken words


woke up an empty bed.
woke up to a pillow still filled with your scent.

now, i'm just wondering for how long will this silence last.

and we reached the 31st month mark. :)

hearts 21:57:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, September 13, 2009


the 16 days you were here made me see how beautiful it may potentially be when we are finally together in one single spot. no need for constant misses. no need for constant farewells.

the 16 days you were here made me feel truly like the happiest girl on Earth and i really wished it was not constrained by time.

and so now, as i sit on my bed, with the pillow you sprayed with your scent, a tissue in my hand and a really blurry vision, i can only count the seconds, minutes, days and months till i'm back in your arms again.

and i know, you'll be right there waiting.

i miss you, my man.



hearts 18:07:00
0 spoken words

Friday, September 11, 2009

even though you're still here beside me, i'm already missing you.

don't want you to leave. :(

hearts 15:23:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

my birthday celebrations began on the 29th.
dav, tina, matt, gloria, my man and myself went for dinner at a place called toko. the food was awesome, sake was awesome and i probably never ate so much desserts in my life. thanks guys for indulging with me.
afterwhich, matt, my man and myself headed towards sanctuary hotel for more drinks. sherrie, git, kristi, kathi, junior and jon joined us later and i had way too much wine and beers. the sanctuary iced tea doesn't really count as it was like pure cranberry juice but hey, it was nice version of long island tea. needless to say, i headed home soon after with my man and probably fell asleep along the way, as i couldn't recall a thing after that.

30th.
my man decided he will cook and we headed to coles, bi-lo, harris and thai kee for grocery shopping. why did we go to 4 different supermarkets for groceries? i have no idea. we will buy one load and go, omg. we didn't buy this and head to another mart to buy the items. when night fell, he cooked a whole load of food for dinner, which we had trouble finishing.

31st.
upon coming home from school, i suggested we should go to sydney aquarium, as i personally think it's more awesome than singapore's underwater world. we popped by sushi train for a quick lunch before walking down to darling harbour and began our trip to the aquarium. the dugongs, sharks, turtles, rays were all freakingly huge and awesome. after the aquarium, we headed to ice cube for an early dinner as there was a 2-for-1 promotion going on for their mains. honestly, i was rather disappointed with the food. we ordered a medium rare steak, which came back as medium well. we ordered king prawns that were either over-cooked or weren't fresh. i think i'll stick with meat and wine in the future. jon joined us for beers at my place after and it was nice just having them there, drinking our beers and just chilling.

so now, a day after i ushered in my 24th year on Earth, i'll be heading to the gym to try and work off the fats i've put on over the weekend and gear myself up for more food to come. coming up will be -
  1. Pastuers.
  2. Kingsley Steakhouse.
  3. Hurricanes.
  4. Fish Market.
  5. Tsukasa.
  6. Chat Thai.
  7. Swiss Cottage.
i believe there will be more to be added onto this ever-expanding list and trust me, i need that gym workout so badly right now.


hearts 12:10:00
0 spoken words


i'm here to share something that a cousin of mine said to his mum, which i find to be an extremely intelligent reply

Cheeky Martin was getting on my nerves and I ask him why he must make people scold him and then he behaves? He replied he can't help it, he took the naugthy potion when he was young...only way was to have him scolded and that will relieve his symtoms a bit but then it will never be cured...so I thought about it...help me instead YIKES !


hearts 11:56:00
0 spoken words