walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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time constrained

another dimension

partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.

communication channels
christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

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many bows
pictures: one
brushes: one two
pattern: one
designer: sweet_surrender
others: blogger blogskins

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

just took a short trip down memory lane. pictures of him and her was hidden within that treasure chest. i wish i know what they think of me now. i wish i knew why she over-estimated her own health. i wish i knew why he allowed himself to waste away.

there are some things in life that i'll always be hunting answers for but i know i can never find them. for the angels who hold the key to them will probably only be able to reveal them to me upon my death. alas, then, it'll be too late, i suppose.

hearts 18:03:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

i miss waking up at 0730hrs to bask in the sun of sydney, with a nice pot of coffee and 2 toasted bread to welcome the day.
i shall torture myself for the next 2 nights, just so that i can enjoy the mornings once more.

hearts 18:52:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, July 25, 2010

in an ever-growing affluent society and with most individuals educated, i don't understand how is it that customs are more important than sustaining the Earth. we all have to inhabit this Earth, whether we like it or not. yet, instead of protecting her, we are destroying her. why is that the case?

have humans became so smug and complacent with their place on this planet? this Earth can die and will die if we continue to err in our ways. i don't want to have kids even more now. what's the point of having any when the Earth is going to perish anyway? at the rate at how we, the biggest bully in the entire eco-system, are going, why not just shoot every animal, including ourselves, at sight since we obviously don't give a fuck about anything else anymore.

i am upset, to say the least.
i'm totally disgusted.
no wonder i never liked humans.

hearts 23:50:00
0 spoken words

Depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem.
-- David D. Burns

hearts 00:30:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, July 24, 2010

the thought of abandoning my blog came up once again. reading through the archives, feeling the words i've written, i can't help but realise how true yunting's words were. my blog is nothing but a depressing chronicle of my life. despite the fact that i'm planning, alongside my man, a once-in-a-lifetime (though some may argue that that's arguable) event, my blog rarely chronicles the happy moments in my life.

maybe it's me. my words. yet the depressing effect of it does get to me at times and i lament over it. am i truly incapable of feeling contentment? am i truly incapable of feeling happiness? why, then, am i left with the feeling of inadequacy?

let the sun shine in my life and the overflowing joy be felt.
let my love be the beacon and me, the boat, drawn to it.
let the darkness be gone and the thread of cynicism cut.
let my love be the angel and me, the lost soul, guided.

hearts 19:21:00
0 spoken words

at times, i do feel like the luckiest lady on earth.
then it strikes.
and everything goes numb once again.

hearts 01:43:00
0 spoken words

Friday, July 23, 2010

selfless is just an extremely positive term for selfish.

hearts 16:07:00
0 spoken words

bought my law books for advanced IP, international trade law and the 1st volume of law and social theory's course notes. i've not bought any thing for advanced contract and the 2nd volume of LST and i've already spent AUD303.

with all these books in hand, my reading schedule is set.
i'm all set for 12 weeks of pure legal torture again.

hearts 16:01:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

yesterday, my man called and informed me of a piece of news but had to hang up before i could respond to that piece of news.

when i finally got hold of him again, i told him that there's no need to inform me of such things cos every time he mentioned similar news conveyed by a particular individual, i'll see that that's not true.

it's like the proverbial boy who cried wolf.

hearts 02:30:00
0 spoken words

Monday, July 19, 2010

for almost 5 years now, i've been shuttling between singapore and sydney.
when i went back this time round, i couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness, as i witnessed the changes before my eyes.

5 years ago, my little sister was still of a single digit age but now, she's growing into a teenager.
5 years ago, my little brother was still wearing shorts but now, he's wearing a uniform.
5 years ago, my not-so-little sister was still a single but now, she's becoming a mother.

5 years ago, my dear ol' buddy was still around to bring me to prata shops but now, he's watching over me in heaven.
5 years ago, my friends were all a little more carefree and youthful but now, they are all beginning to be tied down by the various commitments that they have entered to into their lives.
5 years ago, my parents were still the parents i always knew but now, their child-likeness are subconsciously revealed to the world.

5 years ago, i was dead set against any other man but you but now, i've another who's more precious to my heart than ever.
5 years ago, i would never have thought that i would consider signing that legal contract but now, plans have been made.
5 years ago, you were not a part of my life but now, for many 5 years to come, you'll be a part of my life.

the changes are hard to ignore.

hearts 11:37:00
0 spoken words

Monday, July 05, 2010

i'm not an angel. hell no. i'm like a devil in a child.
mistakes were made in my other relationships.
poor choices, ridiculous selfish-ness, etc.
but NEVER have i slept with a former partner's brother.

there's a line to be drawn; a very thick black line to be drawn.
certain limits are never meant to be crossed.
not even in the current despondent century that we're in.
the code of every brotherhood should still stand strong.

yet, some shameless individuals will still step forth,
without respect and without a care.
their selfish-ness cannot be challenged; it's all about them.
and the brothers fall prey to these black widows.

still, i wonder, if it is just the individual or both,
that failed to understand the concept of brotherhood.
cos in every sexual relations, a dick and a vagina are required.
you can't screw one without the other.

hearts 14:24:00
0 spoken words