walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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time constrained

another dimension

partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.

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. feelings and thoughts .

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Friday, September 23, 2005

xiaowei and woof at indochine. one final dinner out before i go down under.

hungping holds a torch for me. (do you get the pun? lol. i'm just kidding!)


went out for dinner with my secondary school classmates today at Indochine Aquadisiac. the chats, the laughters, it's kinda refreshing to catch up with individuals who reminds you of the past you once had with them. nolstagia seems to weigh very heavily upon me lately, maybe due to the impending departure.

now's already friday. then it'll be saturday. it's not that i dread going down under; i am looking forward to the new environment, the new peeps i'll meet and new experiences. then i see the ring i've placed back onto my finger and remember you. you didn't ask me to place the ring back but i did. it fits me so well now but the fact remains that you lost yours and deep down inside, i wish you'll get a replica of it.

you asked me not to miss you too much when i'm there. you told me to find a new boyfriend when i'm there. but i think you missed the basic details when i looked at you in the eye. it doesn't matter who i'm with or what i'm doing, you're the person in my heart. i was sorting out my stuff to pack into my luggage and i came across this yellow envelope.

in it was a gold-colored card from marks and spencer. the date was 31st august 2002. i read the content and i fought back my tears. it wrote,

"to my dear lala laopo,

happy birthday and 1st anniversary!

always in your heart,
your merlin laogong"

and you know what, your words did come true. you've always been in my heart, you never left. during the 2 years we were apart, i thought to myself, someone will come along and replace you. it's only now that i realise...

no matter how hard i try,
no matter what i do,
no matter how many guys i have...
you're still the one i run back to.

please... just hold me back in your arms like before.
please... let the last night we spent together not be our last.
please... just say you'll wait for my return.

don't let me go again.

hearts 04:12:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

yesterday was the last day i had with you. you will not be sending me off and the thought of it is killing me.

today i started packing. i found the ring you gave me once again. i put it back on. it fits so well.

but you've already lost the ring.

don't let me go again.
hold on to me now,
hold on to me tight.
in your arms,
that's where i truly

hearts 23:43:00
0 spoken words

Monday, September 19, 2005

i'm like delaying the packing of my luggage. was supposed to start packing yesterday afternoon but i reckon'd that i needed more sleep and ya, i slept. then i was supposed to pack when i wake up but i decided that i need some socialising in my system and went off to meet my friends.

now, i'm bored and i've nothing to do but i just refuse to pack my luggage. it's like i'm hoping that each day i delay would mean a day later for departure and that would mean an extra day with him. i mean, i am excited to be going to a new place but when i think about not having him by my side, i just feel so lost.

now, i can only hold on to saturday night. the night in which he made me feel so loved. the night in which he made feel isolated away from everything on Earth. the night in which belongs to just him and i.

you told me 3 months will pass by fast...
i just didn't realise how fast and i'm already missing you.

hearts 17:00:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, September 18, 2005

they say food is the best way to a man's heart. will they get me back to yours?

wait for me. wait for my dishes. i'll be home soon. just tell me you'll wait.

hearts 22:02:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

i feel as if everybody's trying to chase me away from singapore.
i feel as if everybody's doing their bid to lessen my worries for them, by making me feel that my presence is not needed.

i'll be gone soon.
don't worry.
you guys will all be happy soon.

hearts 03:48:00
0 spoken words

i feel like a fool.
but never mind, i've always been the fool.

hearts 02:54:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, September 11, 2005

every morning, every night, i wish you were beside me, hugging me like the last night we spent in each other arms.

every morning, every night, i wish you were here with me, kissing me like the last rendezvous we had in our little world.

i still pray that someday i'll be able to have your love once again and i still pray that someday, i'll be able to call myself yours and you mine.

i know i've made many mistakes during this very short period of time.
i know i've not been making the best decisions that i should be making.
i know i've probably lost my very last chance with you with all my ways.

but i'll still be praying that someday, i'll get another chance, another hope to be able to love and hold you like before.

just tell me... you wanna be the one.

hearts 00:29:00
0 spoken words

Friday, September 09, 2005

"How can I be the one when you're still with the one?"

Just tell me you wanna be the one...

hearts 23:46:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Goodbye isn't that far away.

It will soon be here and really, adios will sum it all.

What difference does it make?

hearts 21:49:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Got back from the chalet earlier on yesterday but got too darn tired and slept till late afternoon.

Will post all my notes later today.

hearts 04:11:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, September 01, 2005

happy belated birthday to me.

yet i feel a sense of loss.
i've been feeling like an orphan since you left.
i'm like all alone without the both of you.
it's just... not right.

hearts 04:47:00
0 spoken words