walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.


communication channels
christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

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many bows
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designer: sweet_surrender
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Friday, June 30, 2006

came home and checked if there's any mail for me.
then i came across a singtel envelope addressed to -

LEE SZE HIN

it has been a long time since i last seen his name.
just a couple of days ago, i thought i heard his voice.
i thought i heard the usual grunt that he makes,
wanted to rush to his room to check on him
until a distant voice in my head reminded me
that he's no longer present in my house.

after noticing that mail, a smile crept upon my face.
i turned to his room or what remains of his room.
the door was shut as my brother sleeps soundly.
i wanted to cry. i really want to cry as memories unfold.
i was speaking about you today, about how you used to be.
i miss you. i miss you, grandpa..

how are things now with you and grandma?

besides my grandpa, i was distracted the entire day by thoughts of you. when you told me something bad cropped up, i got really worried. the whole night i just kept blaming myself for not being able to help you and going out to seemingly enjoy. i felt so guilty. i really hope and i sincerely pray that whatever that "bad" thing is, it would go away soon.

i hate to see you upset.

hearts 03:56:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, June 29, 2006

everybody's been asking me what i want for my 21st birthday.
the only person i'm concern about what gift he will give me
or whether he even remembers my birthday
don't seem to give a damn about it at all.

hearts 17:33:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

i hope you didn't lie to me.
i know there's no need for you to lie to me.
but as i recall everything,
it seemed to be pointing in that direction.

i hope you didn't lie to me...

hearts 06:27:00
0 spoken words


accepted the offer into unsw arts/law program.
five years. sixty months.

i hope i've been making you happy enough.
five years is not a joke i know.
i'm willing to wait it out,
tell me that you are too...
please.

hearts 01:05:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, June 25, 2006

a long drag off the cigarette stick,
watching his every little move.
the butterflies seem not to notice
her intense and jealous gaze.

they fluttered around him constantly,
attracted by his gentleman's charm.
she seemed not to have exist at all;
transparent was her middle name.

a buzz and she walked off in silence,
contemplating her every single move.
his attention never darted away
from the butterflies' every motion.

then darkness began to surround her,
and he walked silently past her way.
her mind told her to let it all go
but her heart refused the call.

hearts 07:29:00
0 spoken words

Friday, June 23, 2006

australia is through to next round!
but they face italy next... :(

it's alright. rejoice now socceroos! you guys totally deserved it!

hearts 19:36:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

will you even realise that i'm gone?
i don't think so.

you haven't even realise that i'm no longer me.

hearts 04:29:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

my mind has been swarmed with thoughts.
with approximately 4-5 weeks left here,
i am still trying to reach a decision.
i realise what a fool i have been.
this decision won't be easy.
but it has to be taken.
i can't do this to you.
not anymore.

hearts 05:51:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, June 18, 2006

C: in a sense.. i am leaving it into His hands to handle it cos i really don't know what will happen next.
H: that's right. believe in that and u will know that u will not get anything less than what u deserve.

after he said those words to me, i started a silent prayer in my heart. do you wanna know what it is?

i silently prayed to God and asked if you could be the one i deserve.

the ring is still by my cross.
will faith help us through?
i pray. i silently pray.

hearts 06:27:00
0 spoken words

Friday, June 16, 2006

i think i'm really scarred for life.

hearts 05:06:00
0 spoken words


You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.
What Color Green Are You?

You Should Learn Spanish

For you, learning a language is about career advancement and communication.
Knowing Spanish will bring you tons of possiblities for jobs and travel. Bárbaro!
What Language Should You Learn?


Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Philosophy
Music
Theology
Art
History
Foreign language
What Should You Major In?


Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)


You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!
The Three Question Personality Test


You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
What Kind of Soul Are You?


You Should Be A Sagittarius

What's good about you: bold and adventure loving, life is one big party for you

What's bad about you: you don't think before speaking - and you often regret it!

In love: you're flirtatiously playful, but you never play games

In friendship, you're: the one who keeps everyone laughing

Your ideal job: fortune teller, philosopher, or athlete

Your sense of fashion: your own mix of vintage and new pieces

You like to pig out on: anything you haven't tried before
What Sign Should You Be?

hearts 04:49:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

aussie won jap.
3-1

they were down by 1 goal till the 84th minute.
then the socceroos began their wonders.

what a beautiful 2nd half. :)

hearts 03:30:00
0 spoken words

Monday, June 12, 2006

1. mervin
2. herng jye
3. gary
4. kaijun
5. jianhui
6. davina
7. anna
8. dennis
9. joanne
10. yunting
11. priya
12. beizhen
13. renhao
14. derek
15. benje
16. roland
17. jacquine
18. lydia
19. zhongying
20. shirley

les questions:

1. how did you meet Number 14?
through one keeptouch outing. we didn't become fast friends but at least we are friends now. :)

2. what would you do if you had never met Number 1?
i don't know. this is a question that i can't answer. without him, i probably won't have grown so much. without him, i probably won't have realise how much i can love. i will probably be leading a mundane lifestyle.

3. what would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
i doubt that can happen. shirley is happily attached and jo doesn't have any lesbian tendencies. :p

4. would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
er. hm. it would be interesting to see jac and dav together. laugh but nah, i doubt so.

5. describe Number 3.
he's a complete jerk ass. he makes me angry and he has done the worst things on earth to me. lol. but seriously, he gives in to me all the time, i wonder where he gets all the energy to tolerate my bitchy attitude.

6. do you think Number 8 is attractive?
dennis IS attractive. seriously, you're still young and you're good-looking. i wanna see you smile. your smile is so beautiful. :)

7. tell me something about Number 7.
she's my chill-out and clubbing partner in crime. call her at night and say you're bored. more or less, you'll be out chilling/clubbing at some spot. :D

8. do you know anything about Number 12's family?
eh. a little? i know she has a mum/dad/brother. brother still schooling in geylang meth?

9. what is Number 18's favorite pastime?
i don't know man. that girl seems to be forever busy. i had to go to church to see her. just kidding.

10. what would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
priya? i'll probably just walk away.

11. what language does 15 speak?
english, mandarin and god knows what dialect.

12. how old is 16 now?
kor is 24 this year.

13. when was the last time u talked to 13?
since since.. omg. so long ago. 28th may. :x

14. who's 2's favorite singer?
he sent me weird songs that i don't know who the singers are. i mean who sings "i eat cannibals".

15. would you date number 4?
kaijun? hm. maybe, maybe not. he's my good buddy la.

16. what's 10's last name?
chen.

17. would you ever consider being in a relationship with 19?
nope. she's too in love with her current boy and they are solid.

18. what schools did 3 go to?
zhonghua secondary, temasek poly (drop-out), army schools.

19. where does 6 live?
currently at chippendale, nsw, australia. :p

20. what's your favorite thing about number 5?
he makes me laugh compulsively. he's my laughing buddy. :D

hearts 19:52:00
0 spoken words


the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
kinda disturbing yes.
in a bid to gain more for His glory,
more were taken aback by the hidden intentions,
contradicting the very basis of it all.

hearts 19:48:00
0 spoken words

Friday, June 09, 2006

i'm in a VERY VERY foul mood.

don't try your luck with me.

hearts 18:16:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, June 04, 2006

If God led you to it, He will lead you through it.

-- Author Unknown

hearts 18:56:00
0 spoken words



before i left for sunny singapore, i embraced the old me.


then i came home and got my bangs.


and i just look fat a little.

hearts 18:17:00
0 spoken words