walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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time constrained


another dimension



partners in crime
benje. carol. crystal. daniel ho. davina. doreen. evelyn. ingrid. iniQx. jac. jess. julian. karen. kimberly. leon. li en. mabel. melissa. nick. shirley. stefan. xiaowei. yee huat. yusuf. zhong ying.


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christian forum. keeptouch forum. heartlight. save our tree e-magazine. yesterday .sg. good morning yesterday. riverlife. 陳志明.
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. feelings and thoughts .

past inhabited
August 2003
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many bows
pictures: one
brushes: one two
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designer: sweet_surrender
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

How can I not think of her?
Tell me.
I'm human.
I'm female.
I know how she will feel.

And I can just feel the self-hatred building up.

hearts 15:48:00
0 spoken words

Friday, October 29, 2004

yellow
Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The
Gentle.

"I've travelled through the land of
surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart
out and keep my head up, and now I travel
through the land of peace."


The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship,
intuition, and fun. It is governed by the
goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined
Rings, or True Friendship.

As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your
friends. You would much rather have strong
ties with friends than a single tie with a
lover and your devotion to your friends is
clear. You may have great intuition and be
able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes
you can seem distant yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

hearts 15:38:00
0 spoken words


I was near breaking but you kept on insisting.
I could not resist and I followed.
Someday, it will haunt but you refuse to believe.
Someday, it will still tear us apart.

Do you not understand the position?
Do you not see the eventual pain?
Things can never be the same again.
Things can never be like before.

The stigma will be attached onto me.
The stares will not leave till I do.
You believe that love can pull it through.
You have an innocence that I admire.

Yet, I know that things once broken,
Can never be mended to be a whole.

hearts 13:44:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, October 28, 2004

"even the most beautiful rose has thorns to prick you and make you cry."

-- Mabel Lee


hearts 19:51:00
0 spoken words


"dear, dun push me off like a thing. i have feelings, and now they are with u and only u. pls dun do this to me. i know u love me too."

In the showers, my tears blended in.
My heart soften and I cracked.
But sometimes, love just ain't enough.

hearts 17:24:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The cynic in me emerges.

hearts 00:51:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

18th October.

Now I feel the significance.

hearts 15:06:00
0 spoken words

Monday, October 25, 2004

My feelings for you is like yo-yo.

Sometimes, I feel like I love you.

Sometimes, I just feel alienated.

I'm going mad.

hearts 07:59:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, October 23, 2004

You say you worry for me.
You say your mood gets affected by me.
You say that you wish to have me in your arms every single night.

Now let me tell you.

I say I'm a cynic when it comes to men.
I say there's no such thing as true love.
I say you're a player with another girl.

Yes. I doubt your sincerity so let it be nothing but a fling.
Let us be flung.

hearts 15:28:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, October 21, 2004

"I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears of all my life."

~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning



hearts 01:46:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I wanna be your darling and flooded with your hugs and kisses every single day and night.

hearts 12:09:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

"Scared you'll lonely..."
Accompanied by a trip to Pasir Ris.
Buying of gift and delivering along.

One movie's night out in fear.
Fell straight into his arms
And never struggled.

Hugs and kisses along the way
With his constant care and concern
Over my health and diet.

It seems I'm falling.
Falling for a guy I just got to know.
It seems scary.. and too wonderful

To be true.

hearts 08:11:00
0 spoken words

Monday, October 18, 2004

Forrest Gump: I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both.

-Forrest Gump (1994)

hearts 12:57:00
0 spoken words


"i am so glad that i have today with u alone to know u more.. sleep early and if possible, i'll call u tomorrow. good night and sweet dreams!"

A smile. Finally.

hearts 05:43:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, October 16, 2004

It was rejuvenating.
Then the memories came back
And tears threatens to flow.
Yet, I sat in silence.
Listening to the music
Played by nature's orchestra.

My heart tore.

hearts 15:43:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

I'm going away.
Need to clear my mind.
Need to let go of this burden in my heart.
Need to reach back to Him.

Hear my cries, O Lord. Hear my cries.

hearts 17:51:00
0 spoken words


"I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

-Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854

hearts 03:23:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I need to let go of this burden...

God, grant me the strength to place it before you.

hearts 00:36:00
0 spoken words

Monday, October 11, 2004

When I saw your face on Saturday night, things just felt different. I wasn't angry anymore. I wasn't upset anymore. I just felt pity. Pity for you. Just take a look at the expression upon your face when our eyes met. How we darted the glance.

I don't mind never talking to you again but as an acquaintence, I noticed the change in you. The big change in you. You've mellowed down. Maybe cos you're afraid. I won't know cos we ain't talking. Yet, just that look in your eyes make me wanna know what are you going through right now to have those sad eyes?

I was bouncing around filled with energy that night cos I couldn't figure out what was wrong with ya. I wanted to ask you but I know you no longer treat me as a friend so all I could do was keep silent and just pray.

You might hate me and all but to me, you're still a friend. A friend whom I wish to see that mischievious smile on your face again.

hearts 04:26:00
0 spoken words


I've got a new tamagotchi. *smiles*

hearts 04:19:00
0 spoken words

Friday, October 08, 2004

You said I am still the same old me but you couldn't explain.

hearts 15:37:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, October 07, 2004

"Your close friends have set upon you
And prevailed against you;
Your feet have sunk in the mire
And they have turned away again"

-- Jeremiah 38:22

hearts 03:01:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I wish I could tell you how every single night is spend dreaming of you.
I wish I could tell you how sweetly I smile as each dream unfolds through the night.
I wish I could tell you how my tears flowed as they all come to an end as dawn breaks.
I wish I could tell you how my arms stretches out in the dark for you.
I wish I could tell you how my ears yearn to hear your rough and low voice.
I wish I could tell you how my lips crave for your cigratte-smelling lips.

I wish I could tell you all of these and more but I wouldn't...

If I had one last breath, I will say to you that I've never stopped loving you.

hearts 01:23:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Took this with my sister today. *lol* Been quite a while since we really hung out. Anyhow, got myself a new Pierre Cardin wallet and offered to pay her back for her Renoma wallet as a belated birthday present. :) Posted by Hello

hearts 01:30:00
0 spoken words

Monday, October 04, 2004

6, 8, 12
- Brian McKnight -

Ooh, ooh
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

[1] - It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

[Repeat 1]

It's hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

[Repeat 1]

Sing it for me
Ooh, ooh

hearts 03:05:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Wish you can hold me in your arms now and tell me that things are back to normal cos I just realised, since you left...

I've just been falling and falling. The bottom seems nowhere near. The pain will just not stop. The memories will continue to linger. And I'll continue to smile and wish that someday, everything will just end.

hearts 22:29:00
0 spoken words