2 days ago, Reh asked me a very interesting question. She asked me if I'll ever mind going out with a girl, as in relationship kind. I was rather shocked by the question as we've never talked about this before or rather that openly. So I replied her with a wary 'why?'. Then she remarked, "I think you won't mind."
-lol- Yes. I do not mind hanging out with girls romantically but I ain't gonna publicise that to the whole world to hear. Pillai asked me out for Tuesday. Yet to give him a definite answer. I mean I don't mind going out with him on a date and all that shit but I don't wanna give him the wrong idea. I know just by replying his messages, I'm already fanning the fire but I seriously can't be the least bothered. If guys can toy with my feelings, why can't I toy with theirs? -bitchy whine-
I'm just such a bitch. Always thinking the world's dealing me the worst set of cards when I probably got one of the better sets. Gotta wake up my damn self-centred idea man. Dammit. It has been almost 2 weeks since Christy and I parted ways and at times, I miss him like craps but at times, I don't even think about him. I wonder...
Do I miss him or do I miss the company? I've seriously no idea. I guess I like the idea of having a man by my side cos I'm afraid of being alone. Yet when I'm in a crowd, I crave loneliness. I'm just like this walking contradiction with the word 'irony' written all over it. I must be such the PERFECT specimen to showcase what a human is.
NEVER satisfied with anything!
COMPLACENT about EVERYTHING!
Thinks the WHOLE world OWES her!
Thinks she's GODSEND.
I must be the most self-centred bitch EVER to live on this planet. I just love bashing myself. No idea why. I'm just such a weird freakass. But being this bitch that I am, I just feel so comfortable in this skin. It's like the perfect camouflage to cover up those blemishes that bears scars deep within. This skin is just so perfect in making me look so confident when all I am is just a coward.
Gimme a gun or something and I'll probably shoot this mortal body of mine a million times. I'm just so disgusted by it. Seriously, how can anyone love me? I don't believe and can EVER understand how that is possible. I must be the most selfish, arrogant, insensitive, bitchy, outrageously pathetic girl EVER to grace this Earth's surface. Ya, you're right, Mervin. If I can't love myself, how can anyone love me? -lol- That's why I'm very certain that all those pathetic dickass only want my number for one thing - FUCK.
So fuck off all ya dickass. You ain't on my list no more.
Reh says I should stay off Indians but I think I need to stay off ME.