the other day, i started to think about what i used to do during my spare time. indulging in life's vices, moping about my life, writing poems and daydream myself away. then i realised what i truly missed. i miss writing. not just any ordinary writing. i missed writing poems on a regular basis. i miss how i will just indulge my entire being into writing that perfect poem that reflected my feelings at that very point in my life.
but this came to an end. as with all good things, it came to an abrupt end. the drama that was ever so present in my life at that point in time, which spurred my creative output, had left the building and i've been living in a relatively calm rhythm of life, rather than the constant ups and downs. and i guess like how everyone thinks the other pasture is always greener, i begin to miss my old life. the life of constantly not knowing, constantly second-guessing and constantly wondering when will i have my happily ever after. but i know i'm not happy there. i know i'm happy where i am now so why am i feeling this way?
i'm probably, actually, really addicted. for a while, i had my constant source of drama through other means but now that i'm sitting on a plateau, i'm having withdrawal symptoms. the dramas in my life were not simply there; it was there to give me my highs and my lows. some peeps do adrenalin-pumping activities; some peeps do alcohol or drugs; i do drama. will i ever be content? will i ever be satisfied? will i ever be truly happy? i don't think i'll ever know but i do hope that i will, so that i can avoid the possibility of just settling.
so i guess i'll just sit here now, with a glass of fine cognac on the rocks, and wonder who am i supposed to be as i stare into the night sky.