walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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. feelings and thoughts .

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Sunday, November 30, 2003

Broke down whilst bathing again.

Fell onto my knees, clasping my hand together in a prayer posture.

I prayed once again. The same message to my Lord. But I prayed for happiness... for myself. Yet, I added another line to it before I ended the prayer. That if he can only be happy at the expense of my happiness, then let me pay the price.

Why am I crying still? I'm tired of the tears. Pass me the knife. Stab it through my heart.

Let me die...

hearts 23:46:00
0 spoken words

Who am I?

What a joke. I can't even answer that damn-ass question. Sounds so simple yet the most complex question to answer.

Who am I?

Am I not just an 18 years old moaning about her self-pitied life?
Am I not just a depressing fellow who thinks well of death?

I don't know.

I feel so hollow.

The person I see as my reflection doesn't look like me anymore.

No. I don't seem to know that person.

Who is this girl that cries herself to bed all night?

Who is this girl whose only true emotion is sadness and the rest are voids?

Who is this girl that can't seem to see nothing but darkness ahead?

I no longer know who this girl is. I feel so detached. So alienated.


Leave me alone to my tears.

Leave me alone...

How I wish it's easier to let go yet everywhere I go, every corner that I turn into and everything that I do... just reminds me of you.

Every time I approach the bus stop, bus 67 never fails to appear at the moment, seemingly prompting me to take the bus to look for you once again.

Every time I take the cab, the cab never fails to have an advertisement on Samsung S200, your handphone model.

Every time I go to work, I'll be looking at Cameron Diaz, your idol.

Tell me, baby, just tell me how am I to let go when I can't even get past the superficials?


I just wanna be alone.

hearts 21:59:00
0 spoken words

Woke up this morning in tears.

No idea why. Tears just kept flowing and flowing. I felt so suffocated. So tired. Tried to sleep but I couldn't.

Went to bathe. Hoping that I'll feel better after it. But I broke down. Once again. On my bathroom floor.

I sat there as the water from the shower rain down upon me.

I sat there... crying and shouting out loud in silence from the bottom of my heart.

I prayed to the Lord. I shouted out to Him in silence.

I asked the Lord to take me away. I'm too tired. I just sat there and kept crying and shouting out in silence that I'm so tired. Tired of all these facades. Tired of trying so hard. Tired of pulling myself away from the man I love so deep. I'm tired of all the pain. Tired of all the hurt. Lord, I'm just so tired of trying and failing.

I then ask the Lord to forgive me for being so selfish and asked Him to continue blessing his soul. The man I love... I told my Lord, please make him happy. Whatever, my Lord, whatever the price it is to let him be truely happy, even if it's at the expense of mine, my Lord, I'm willing to pay... as long as he's happy.

Lord, if that girl is truly the girl he loves, Lord, please bless that the girl will treat him well and reciprocrate his feelings. Please, Lord, please bless that he'll be happier with her than with me. Please bless that their relationship will be more fruitful than ours and Lord, please bless that from now forth, may he be happier and may he never get hurt the way I am hurting now. Lord, I pray that he'll be happy with a beautiful love. I pray that he'll never have to go through any trials and tribulations my Lord. If any woes are to be on him, my Lord, please... let it all be upon me. I'm willing to bear it all.

Lord, it's better for one to suffer than both. So let me be the one to suffer Lord. Please bless him to be happy.

I cried out in prayers in the bathroom. I collapsed as I prayed. When I ended my prayer, I was in a daze. I tried to stand up but I felt very faint. I felt so weak. I just can't seem to do anything.

I then went to meet brother for lunch. Didn't eat much. Had no appetite at all. We then went down to Tampines Mall and I bought DNA from Cheers to drink.

Went to church after that and I continued crying my heart out to my Lord. Hoping someday, I'll be able to see His plans for me.

Had supper after that and proceeded to 7-eleven to buy another drink. Pineapple vodka this time round. The brand is kinda weird. Can't recall.

I'm still in tears now. Going out to stay over at Ernie's place. I'm just so tired. God, please take me away...

hearts 02:40:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, November 29, 2003

I've tried to visualise the moment
When you have finally left my house
But though your body left long ago
I find your spirit hangs around
I talk to you to make you leave me
But before the words have left my mouth
A hundred whispers come from the walls
And nothing I say makes it stop

Let me be
Insanity Doesn't flatter me
Let me be
I'm hearing things that you won't believe

I can't sleep when the walls keep saying your name
I can't sleep when the walls keep saying your name
Go from me and let me slumber again
I can't sleep when the walls keep saying your name

I walk around with all the lights on
When it is past the midnight hour
Oh how can such a fleeting love affair
Still behold me in its power

Let me be
Insanity doesn't flatter me
Let me be
I'm hearing things you won't believe

Well it was ok for a while
Your attention made me smile
But now you've driven wild and I can't handle it
Your passion is a curse
And I seem to make things worse
I'm gonna leave you girl, leave you girl

Let me be insanity doesn't flatter me
Let me be I'm hearing things you won't believe
Round my head incessantly possessing me
Let me be
Let me be

-- Sophie Ellis-Bextor's The Walls Keep Saying Your Name

hearts 04:27:00
0 spoken words

Dark Water
You come from Dark Water. You are solitary and
find peace in yourself, or maybe you're
turmoiled but pull off peace.

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz Me
Clara Lee was
a Pleasant Dancer
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

hearts 03:35:00
0 spoken words

I dreamt again. This time round, the setting was different but there was still no smile... on my face.


I was at home, watching television. Just staring into that black box. Laughing at all the puns and jokes but feeling all so empty.

You suddenly came up to me and I stared, looking puzzled. How did you get into my house? I didn't know. But you stared at me and said, "Let's go to the bedroom."

You led me by hand into my parents' bedroom. Undressing me bit by bit. I just stood there like a wooden block, responding in ways that will please you.

A while later, you stopped and you stared back into my eyes and asked, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" I couldn't answer. I could only reply back in a weak whisper - "cos I love you."

You looked away. Maybe you didn't want to hear those words that I've muttered. But I said it. You got up and sat beside me as I turned my face away, crying.


You never saw how my tears rolled down so many a times for you... You never believed in us, in me and in yourself... You never did...

hearts 03:25:00
0 spoken words

Friday, November 28, 2003

I woke up this morning in shock, no longer tears. I saw you in my dreams again but the scene looks different.


I was at a bar chillin' out. Sipping on some alcohol and smoking Black cigrattes. Looking out at the cold dark night sky. My eyes were hollow and bitterness were encrypted all over my face.

You were standing just beside me, seemingly in shock. You seem to question why am I smoking? What happen? And started to get all concern and all again. You came on a note hinting of desires for a patch.

But there I sat. Still smoking. Looking into your eyes, I said, "Do you have money? If you don't, fuck off." Somehow, something inside me changed in my dream. I was this bitter girl probably in a relationship with some old man and sought companionship merely for other tangibles instead of intangibles like Love.

I looked like I was somebody's mistress in my dream and you seemed to have made an U-turn, wanting things back. Yet, there I sat, like a bitch, not caring less. Sadness can still be seen on my face as you made your way out, disheartened by what you've heard.

I continued drinking and smoking. But tears were rolling down my cheek by then as I mumbled to myself, "'Do I not wish to be happy? Do I not wish to love and be loved? Do I not want to be with you? I do. But I'm no longer me. I'm just a bitch."


What has happened to me? I can't tell. All I know is I don't seem to be me... anymore.

hearts 03:49:00
0 spoken words

Empty vessel makes the most noise.

So, my shell, create sounds please.

Tired of this life I lead

Where laughter seems nothing

More than facades in life.

Tired of all the pain and hurt

Just wanna isolate myself

Away from everybody.

**Continue eating your heart out. Got a free Terminator 3 VCD today. =P

hearts 03:04:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Many seems to know
The message within
But do they really know?
Can they really see
What I can't see?
Do they understand me
More than I do?
I can't seem to tell anymore
As my heart turns into lead.
Woe be on my soul
As evil stems within me
Forever ... on or not?

*Eat your freaking hearts out! I've got 2 free CDs from work!! LOL. A Sophie Ellis-Bextor's album and Blink 182's album. =)

hearts 03:28:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

I've got three new bras.
They came in sets
With all explanations attached.
But which do I wear?

The first moisturises
But causes pain to my back,
Yet it is so comfortable.
Pain yet comfort? Confused.

Second has two buckles,
In front and at the back.
Interesting and tempting
Isn't it so?

Last of it is colorful,
Difference in material
Yet not exactly my kind of taste.
New and different? Curious.

With these three bras,
Which do I choose?
Comfort, temptation or curious?
Tell me, which will you choose?

hearts 04:57:00
0 spoken words





hearts 01:39:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Is this what eyes were never meant to see

The end of hope and all it meant to me
How can I find the strength to carry on another day
Without my pride there's nothing left to say
Is this the way my life was meant to be?

Too late for me to say that I was wrong
Perhaps the weak believe that they are strong
I thought that if I tried I'd find a way to earn their trust
Yet all I've known and loved has turned to dust
It seems that there was no way I could belong

The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I've known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died?

I know one day the story will be told
And in the end the secrets will be sold
And will they look at me and say I should have known the end
Perhaps I did but why should I pretend?
I only dreamt of love and growing old

The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I've known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died...

-- Yenhanara (Kit Chan), Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress

hearts 03:50:00
0 spoken words

Monday, November 24, 2003

A message to you, Mr. Mervin Cai. Italics will be words you'll most likely say. The rest will always be my reply.

Excerpts taken from Memorable quotes from IMDB.com

Neo: I can't lose you.

Trinity: You're not going to lose me.

Trinity: [she takes his hand] You feel this? I'm never letting go.

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more that your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Neo: Because I choose to.

Merovingian: Goddammit woman, you will be the end of me.

Mouse: To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

Trinity: Six hours ago, I was ready to give my life for you. Do you know what has changed in the last six hours?

Neo: No.

Trinity: Nothing!

Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.

Neo: Trinity. I know you can hear me. I'm never letting go. I can't. I just love you too damn much.

Neo: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

Trinity: What's it gonna be, Merv?

hearts 20:16:00
0 spoken words

I used to feel the warmth and joy
Like everybody else have.
I used to laugh heartily
At the corniest jokes and was real.

I used to be able to see what
The future had in store for me.
But now, coldness and bitterness
Are what surrounds my soul.

I wish I could be happy too.
Which human doesn't yearn so?
I wish I could love and be loved,
Which young girl doesn't hope so?

But my world toppled when you left
And bitterness filled that void
And all I can see is hurt and pain.
I wished to be like the past...

But you don't.

hearts 17:45:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Running. I have been running.
Trying to get out of this maze;
This cage that seems to have no doors.
I feel so suffocated; so trapped.
Have been trying to run out
Of your very presence but it haunts.
It haunts me day and night,
No matter how I try to run and hide.
Your presence is still so strong.
Let me go, let me go. I plead. Please.
I feel like a dog all leashed up
To a person who cares not for it.
No. Please. Show me the door.
I'm tired of the running.
Tired of the hiding. It is too tiring.
I can't seem to shake it off.
No. I can't seem to shake it off.
I'm paranoid. You seem to be
Spying on my every move,
Every word that I say,
Every person I hang out with
Seems to be monitored by your eyes.
No. Fear strikes. I'm afraid.
Please... Shake off your presence
From me before insanity comes down on

hearts 23:03:00
0 spoken words

Do you know what it's like to lead a life with a heart as heavy as lead?

Do you know the feeling of nothing despite the laughters?

Do you know how is it like for a girl to describe herself as nothing but a cheap slut?

Do you know why she's feeling all so cynical about everything else on Earth especially love?

Do you know that till now, she only wants one but am willing to give up her only want for that one to be happy?

sigh. Things are never what you wish it to be... Just pray that someday she will be happy at least once...

Felix got 258. Congrats my brother. But Evelyn didn't do as she expected. Sigh. The poor girl. Just hope everything will work out for her. =)

hearts 04:38:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, November 22, 2003

What is it like to wake up feeling all so hollow?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like living each and everyday like a zombie?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like smiling yet tearing within and all you can do is cry to yourself in the lonely night?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like waking up every morning feeling all cheap and filthy, scrubbing your skin with such strength as if wanting to rid all of it?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like carrying on with life feeling that you've done something drastically wrong by not talking to the one you care but that that's the only way he can be happy?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like when all your thoughts are nothing but of death, that death seems such an easy escape that you are so willing to take that final step?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like to live a life like that, that seems not humane and so depressing?
Do you know? I do.

What is it like to feel all of these but still maintaining the strong facade?
That's how I'm living. Surviving.

hearts 05:55:00
0 spoken words

Friday, November 21, 2003

Your words are still still fresh.
Repeats were oft in thoughts.
They said that it's devil's temptation
But, friend, please do not stray.

You've seen my tears and laughters.
You've saw all that cannot be seen.
Words of wisdom exchanged so oft
That, friend, I cherish you dear.

hearts 17:37:00
0 spoken words

Reflecting in the mirror
Was a hollow, empty soul.
She was smiling brightly
But her heart was seen crying.
Knives formed by the glass mirror
Was gestured to repeatedly stab.
She grimaced in pain within
But smiled like a doll on face.

hearts 14:55:00
0 spoken words

Thoughts of popping pills
With drinks stirred up again.
They were just there. In my bag.
The drink was in my hands -
At my lips.

A presence restricted this
Act of defiance; of death.
So luring; so tempting. Yes.
I want to have that feel of high -
Once again.

hearts 03:30:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Looking up; staring ahead
Out of the cold glass pane.
Rain is falling, drop by drop
As it reflects not just others but soul.

Joy eludes this old grim scene.
Sun went into hiding behind clouds.
Never did any rays of it shine forth,
Leaving everyone feeling cold and bleak.

Sounds of the angels rang far and distant,
Those tinkling bells drifting... drifting...
Devils' horns sounded for all attention
And beckoned every soul surrendered.

Maybe the angels will be back one day
And peace might fall upon our noxious souls.
Yet devils seemed to be welcomed to stay
By the rain and clouds that seem in sync.

hearts 19:51:00
0 spoken words

The way he thinks, his earnest frown
The man, the God, the child, the clown
He makes each day a day to fly
And makes each night a starry sky

A simple sign, a single smile
The charm, the wit, the strength, the guile
And though I prayed for summer bliss
I never knew I'd feel like this

Like winter nights need fire
Like temples need a shrine
Like lovers need desire
Like prophets need a sign
I need him
Can't he see? I need him
To be mine...

-- I Need Him from Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress

hearts 04:26:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

My inner child is ten years old today

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

hearts 03:16:00
0 spoken words

A frown
Is an upside down smile;
Is more visible as years pass;
Is the most truthful emotion.

A tear
Is shaped like a glistened pearl;
Is produced upon heart-wrenching thoughts;
Is a symbol of love so deep yet lost.

A smile
Is shaped like a letter 'U';
Is given out as masks to the truth;
Is worn to socialise and be loved.

A laughter
Is a chuckle or a giggle of silliness;
Is a sound that covers the sobs;
Is nothing more but like the smile.

hearts 03:11:00
0 spoken words

Got a Matrix Reloaded mousepad, Phonebooth mug (no, there's no Colin Farell on it =P) and a Daredevil poster today! Tomorrow I'll be having lunch with my manager and executive together with the JVC representatives. Having jap meal. =)

I'm tired.

hearts 03:06:00
0 spoken words

Monday, November 17, 2003

Down and out and swirling around,
Mind is confused, heart is dead.
No questions asked, no words spoken,
Guesses fills the air as the mind ponders.

Leaving seems the easiest way to run,
The easiest route of escape from darkness.
Yet leaving you behind brings a stab to my chest,
Wondering if sadness or joy will fill your face.

Forgive me for being blunt and rude,
My heart only wish for your inhabitance.
Without you, I'm nothing but a zombie in life,
Walking aimlessly, emotion-less and life-less.

My world emptied out when the door opened
And you walked out of it with all its glory.
My world now awaits for the door to open again
And you walking into it with eternity as our child.

hearts 01:17:00
0 spoken words

Quiz Me
clara lee spins tunes as
DJ Happy Slug

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

hearts 01:00:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Soaring into the cold dark sky,
The plane roared in magnificence.
Slowly rising as it lifted off,
Out of sight would it soon be.

Thoughts beckoned me soon,
Thoughts of leaving this dark place.
Silence is all I hear as I stood,
Silence is all I wish to leave in.

Pardon me for my selfish thought,
Elaborate and teary farewells,
Hugs and kisses when I leave
Not what I wish on my final take.

No more regrets, no more pain.
Foreign land captured my heart,
Seducing me with hopes of happiness,
Pardon me if I leave in silence.

hearts 07:00:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, November 15, 2003

I'm still pissed off by what happened on thursday morning. Fuck. If you really send her to talk to me, I've only one word to describe how I feel - disgust. Don't you even have the guts to come talk to me? Must you go through the underhand means? I'm so fucking pissed by your actions. Mature? This is the most immature shit you've ever given me. I cried. Knowing how much of a coward you are now. I cried. Knowing my heart was crying for this man I love so dearly. But do you even care? I don't know. Don't wish to know. I don't wanna fucking know.

.00:08:47. [x|a0`mEi] maybe in 2 or 3 yrs time...
.00:08:53. [x|a0`mEi] both of u still feel the same
.00:08:58. [x|a0`mEi] then sparks arises
.00:09:01. [x|a0`mEi] who knows

What do you want?! Just tell me! Don't bring me up then throw me back down. I know you're afraid that our relationship won't survive through your NS days but no. Don't give me this shit now. Not when I'm trying so hard to pick myself up. Not when I'm trying so hard to mend this broken heart of mine all on my own. Not when now all I seek is death. No. Not now. Not after all these hurt and pain, please.. I just wish you to be happy. Please. Be happy. I miss you. I'll continue loving you... like what I told her... I've already made up my mind.. that it's you I wanna be with for the rest of my life. I won't want anybody else. Some have expressed interest to care for me.. but I've rejected them all. Do I not want happiness for myself? Yes. I want. But your happiness still matters the most for me. If the only way for you to be happy is for me to give up mine, then please God, I'm willing to give it up all for him.

hearts 23:06:00
0 spoken words

Stop your fucking nonsense.
You don't even know anything.
Acting all non-chalant - stray.
Don't give me all these shit now.

Acting all cool behind the screen,
Whether you send her - my only guess.
But if you truly did, I'm disgusted.
Coward you are unable to face reality.

What's with the constant reminder
That you feel nothing but guilt.
I don't fucking care how you treat me
As long as I treat you the way I wish to.

Just shut your ass up will you?
Stop giving me all these nonsense.
Don't you fucking worry anything,
When I leave - you'll never know.

hearts 22:52:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Went to watch 15 today. It's a hilarious yet reflective movie. Gives an insight to the vulnerable side of these people we call teenage gangsters. Laughing during the screening but after it, thinking back about it, tears will be my emotion. It's just so depressing to see how they sought death despite their gung-ho tactics in public.

Brother brought me to Pasir Ris Park to eat yesterday. The place was very well done up. By the beach. Love songs. Night sky. Stars. Palm trees. Tell me, where else can be more romantic than this place besides Sentosa's Jazz by the beach?

Missed you-know-who alot. Kept thinking.. and thinking. Wondering if I did the right thing, whether I've made the right choice. Found out that he passed his driving test. Congrats... You made it. I knew you would.

hearts 02:46:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Yesterday was my first day of work. Currently having attachment at Alliance Entertainment. It's a rather small company but their network is HUGE! Migosh. You're talking about rubbing shoulders with 20th Century Fox, MGM, Columbia etc. All the big names! Damn. I'm touching all those gifts, VCDs, DVDs and posters all of you die-hard fans so want. Laughs.

Got to write the copy for a chinese promotion advertisement today. Kinda afraid that I'll screw up but I didn't, I think. Look out for the SWAT promotion advertisement on YOU Weekly, k? Picked a winner for JVC Home Entertainment system. Hope that fella will love the new system!

I've watched Matrix Revolutions like twice. So ya, it sucks big time in everything but it's still the bloody Matrix. Got to watch it. I'm just too big a fan of this damn movie.

Have been thinking about lotsa stuff lately. Missing him a great deal but am not talking to him anymore. After all that has happened, after all the slaps I willingly endured, after all the hurt and pain, I feel so numb. Numbed by all these pain. Numbed by the way my heart endured through it all. Thoughts of death crossed my mind more frequently than ever. Will you miss me if I go? Will you be happier? -sigh- I hope someday, you'll try and understand me.. the way I tried to understand you.

hearts 03:05:00
0 spoken words

Clik clok, click clok,
Heels, skirt and shirt.
Walking in in grace,
With confidence and anxiety.

First - a significant start,
Impression counts greatly
And nothing matters more.
First - make it work.

Hands were cold,
Palms were sweating,
What's their initial thought -
Do they like or dislike?

Closing to the end,
Sigh of relief was heaved.
A day has gone well past,
A new day shall come.

hearts 02:56:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Can't breathe, can't speak,
Suffocating and struggling
To survive in this wilderness.
A rope dangled in mid-air
But it was too high up,
Out of reach from her hands.

Straining her every muscle,
She struggled, taking in water.
Gasping for air at each surface,
Hands stretching out to grab,
She went under one last time.
She drowned. In the sea of love.

hearts 04:48:00
0 spoken words

Friday, November 07, 2003

"I will be fine."
Four simple words
That acts as mask
To my emotions.

You never cared
To look beyond.
Blinding your eyes
With wish and desire.

I am sorry to me.
I am sorry to you.
I am sorry to us.
I am sorry to love.

Maybe someday
You will understand,
What love truly is
And why I am hangin.

Maybe someday
You will realise
That I really needed
You, your smile today.

hearts 05:20:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Rest well dear kind souls.
You have fought well
In the battle for life,
So rest now - rejuvenate.

Fought long and hard
To carry on this journey.
It may have ended soon
But no regrets, do you?

Mere acquaintences here,
Yet the feeling is of grief.
How are you two doing?
Question I bear deep within.

I will live life more fulfilling
Cos of your kind souls.
Rest well, will you two?
Leave us to fight the rest.

Tribute to babyhui and Aki. Though I don't know you two well, I hope you two found peace at the other realm. Will miss you two.

hearts 05:01:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

See what Care Bear you are.

I'm still hopelessly loving him... -sigh-

You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've a feeling I took this test before. -thinks-

hearts 05:11:00
0 spoken words

Droplets streaming down
From the vision to voice,
Drip, drip - it went,
Not any sound but drip.

Vicious words formed
Within vision and sight.
'Get Lost' - two words,
Double the slaps given.

Weakened voice cracked
Into tiny little ripples.
Tiny puddles of water,
Only signs of life left.

hearts 02:20:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Ripped this off from Yusuf's Blog:

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

That's all I'm holding on to.
That's what everybody is holding on to.
Hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Hope that life will smoothen out somehow.
Hope that the pain and suffering will be gone.
Hope that you'll be with the one you love.
But that's all it is.

hearts 18:03:00
0 spoken words

Entering and exiting
This theatre of life.
Twice sounded the exits,
None for the entries.

What is it like there?
Is the picture similar
To those they paint;
Better or worse?

Missing the kind souls.
Friends and families grieves.
I might not know them well
But their departure saddens.

Are they in peace,
Free from the pain and hurt?
Are they in paradise -
Finally freed and happy.

hearts 06:33:00
0 spoken words

Monday, November 03, 2003

Drawers were drawn.
Items all on the floor.
Stepped and trampled,
Dirtied as they laid in peace.

A glance over them,
A thought, an emotion.
Droplets fell onto ground
As she walked quietly in.

She silently picked up
Those ragged, tattered pieces.
Wearing a topsy turvy smile,
She hugged those pieces close.

hearts 02:13:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Tears are falling.
Future unclear.
I never wished
To leave this place.
I never wished
To leave your side.
Yet, you pushed me
Roughly aside.
Refusing me,
My love and thoughts.
You cast me out
Like a ragged doll.

I'm missing you. Loving you like before. Forgive me. Please.

hearts 03:33:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, November 01, 2003

I'm a nutcase. I asked him for another chance. Why? Cos this is the relationship I wanna be in for the rest of my life. Cos my heart, body, mind and soul yearns to be with him. I am but a fool in love. Willing to risk it all for him. But will he understand why? -sigh-

Yet, as I further my thoughts. I find myself selfish. I'm gonna leave Singapore, even if we do have another chance back together - if he's willing to give - what will happen if I was to leave? Wouldn't it be selfish to leave him behind? -sigh-

I love you.
Forgive me.
Stress on you
I wish not.
Understand -
All I wish.
Loving me,
Your one heart -
All I dream.

hearts 05:24:00
0 spoken words

You can have zero faith
In yourself, in everything
But how can you doubt
My faith in us, in you.
Never doubt my faith
In you and our love.
I believe and know
That our Love is strong.
It will survive all hardship
But we won't know it
Unless you give it a chance.
Give us another chance?

hearts 02:54:00
0 spoken words