i've really tried my best.
i went out of my way.
put aside my stuff for that precious 1-5 mins chat with you.
put aside my personal emotions as much as possible.

i've really tried my best.
but it's somehow never enough.
somehow, it's just never enough.

i was thinking about priorities today and i just realised how i fared. tried to argue with myself that i'm just being self-centred but it's somehow true. i'm just never a priority.

hearts 23:50:00
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now i recalled why i wanted to run away in the first place.
now i remember why the lure of a foreign land seemed so appealing.

now i remember.

hearts 23:24:00
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you know how some people are where one moment they treat you like a saint and the next, nothing more than a piece of dirt? it's like they are performing some kinda charity work at that point in time and every one rushes to polish your dirty shoes to make them all shiny; make you feel so darn confident of yourself. before you know it, they began to treat you like you're a total wash-out. like you just simply never existed before and those glamor days were nothing more than just pure fantasy.

alot of thoughts flooded my mind lately and it is getting rather tiresome. i am quite tired of being the giver though i probably do take more than i give credit to. i am selfish. i guess we all are and in some way, i'm probably like the people i mentioned above.

my thoughts doesn't really matter i guess. it's time to go to lala land and just dance with my prince.

they say we're like the characters in turn left turn right.
always walking in parallel till one day, a change of plan was in place.
we meet and we'll fall and never be alone again.

hearts 23:45:00
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hearts 23:20:00
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i just finished watching the fifth element.
and i'm happy.

like i told yunting,

i'm happy today.

don't ask me why.
i just am. :)

hearts 23:56:00
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hearts 01:34:00
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are you waiting for me back home?

i hope you are.

for you see,
you're in my dreams every night.
you're in my thoughts every day.
you're in my prayers every second.
you're on my lips every minute.

are you waiting?

hearts 22:46:00
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my gramp's room has been painted purple.
my living room - the color of rose white.

a revamped home to go back to.

23 more days.
the countdown begins.

hearts 23:39:00
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hearts 22:28:00
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i'm drowning in you.
drowning in your memories.

i'm coming home.
are you waiting for me?

hearts 23:50:00
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i'm fine with the fact that my feelings don't seem to matter.
and that i'm only sought after when needed.

it's ok.
it's the world.
i just happened to be the substitute person.

i'm fine.
really.

substitute.
i know my place.

hearts 01:01:00
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australia made it into world cup 2006 in germany!!!!

mabel made a new layout for me!!!!!!

and you nearly succeeded in making me upset but i walked away.

hearts 00:24:00
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hearts 15:24:00
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you made me smile like a silly cheshire cat.

i could feed on this fuel for a while. :)

hearts 01:11:00
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been having nightmares.

dreamt that i was asleep and had a nightmare. tried to scream when i woke up in my dream but no voice could be garnered. i started hearing alot of voices speaking to me. am i heading for a mental breakdown?

haven't been really speaking to you lately.
friends have been telling me alot of things.
it's painful. it really is.
crying myself to sleep almost every night,
exception being on nights when i'm intoxicated.

you don't seem to be aware of this new trend.
that you'll come to me when you need me.
walk away when the need is no longer.
have i became a mere convenience?
for your emotions, desires and needs?

i asked myself constantly.
have i hurt you in any way that i didn't know?
that allowed you to bring upon these.
have i brought you any harm or pain?
that allowed you to treat me as such.

if i recalled, whatever my memory permits,
i went through the torrents of hurt and pain,
whilst you were gallavanting with girls.
you came back and made several claims,
then you decided to walk out the door again.

who am i to you? what am i?
if i truly did make you happy like you said,
if i was really the girl you once cared so much for,
if you really saw me as me,
why? why would you subject me to these?

hearts 23:00:00
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i had a dream.
a sweet sweet dream.

i heard a kinda music.
the most beautiful singing voice.

i think it's really taking over me.

hearts 23:42:00
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7 things that scare me:
1. God.
2. my inability to emote outwardly.
3. my passive attitude.
4. losing someone i love.
5. inability to follow Him.
6. rejection.
7. temptations.

7 things that i like most:
1. do i need to spell the name out?
2. waterfall - the alcohol.
3. baileys.
4. the fact that i've my own room now.
5. my various herbal teas.
6. my very own teriyaki beef.
7. sleeping

7 important things in my room:
1. air freshener.
2. my medication.
3. carpet freshener.
4. my food.
5. my bed and its essentials
6. my wardrobe and its content.
7. all my notes, books.. etc.

7 random facts about me:
1. i'm in sydney, australia.
2. i'm finally able to cook.
3. i'm very reflective.
4. enjoys my nocturnal activities. (imagine all you want, i don't care.)
5. i love yet loathe loneliness.
6. i have a diploma in mass communication. (whoopee. whatever.)
7. i'm gonna get my degree, then hopefully my masters and all.

7 things i plan to do before i die:
1. get my masters and hopefully, if possible, a PhD.
2. go to the carribeans islands.
3. hopefully, have my own family.
4. do some missionary works.
5. earn enough to allow my parents to live comfortably and my siblings to gain a good education.
6. to go skydiving.
7. be an entreprenuer.

7 things i can do:
1. critical analytic thinking.
2. write poetry and scripts.
3. be a clown.
4. loving others.
5. loving myself.
6. household chores.
7. learn.

7 things i cant do:
1. write effectively with my left hand.
2. not care.
3. high impact sports.
4. not love Him.
5. not love.
6. not drink my teas.
7. not put moisturiser before sleeping or heading out.

7 things i say the most:
1. take care.
2. how's ya?
3. o my gosh.
4. what's wrong?
5. i'm so bored.
6. i wanna sleep.
7. what can we do....?


7 celebrity crushes:
1. ben affleck.
2. fann wong.
3. tay ping hui.
4. jon johnson.
5. orlando bloom.
6. scarlett johanssan
7. jessica alba

7 people who have to do this:
1. i don't dictate what others have to do.

hearts 23:19:00
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hearts 01:31:00
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