i was reading an acquaintence's blog for the past hour.
the things he wrote of.
i started questioning God.
why does He allow us to enjoy that few moments of bliss, only to send us to the torments of heartbreak?
why does He allow us to love, only to be shunned and treated as plague?
why does He allow us to smile for the world to see, only to cry in solitude?
i remember a sister in Christ once said to me, "Clara, you have no idea how powerful your testimonies could one day be."
for a moment, i was flattered then i was in shambles.
i would rather give up this privilege of having powerful testimonies and have him by my side.
i would rather lead a simple and plain lifestyle with him than all the drama that surrounds my very shell.
there are nights, like tonight, where i just stare into the ceiling and let my thoughts wander. let my imagination go wild and remember the joy we once shared. let my fantasy take hold of reality for that moment and create that dream we once embraced. let my passion overwhelm my logic and text an insane message to proclaim my love.
only tonight is different. i didn't text. i didn't create any dreams. i didn't remember.
instead, my goals, my future, my life, my principles, my morals, etc. flitted past my burdened soul.my friend said to me that i live in a fantasy world. i wish it was true. then i would create an ending for myself, a happily ever after.