walking contradiction

25 years old.
a girl of irony.
studying in university of new south wales - ba/llb.
living and let live.
truly blessed by His and his love.

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. feelings and thoughts .

past inhabited
August 2003
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

This is absolutely, undeniably weird of me to say this.
Yet, being the sick little bitch I am, I kinda yearned to be in his arms right now.

Just want him to coo into my ears and coax me to sleep.
Miss him but what the hell, good things never last.

hearts 02:06:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Let's place our hands together and pray for the affected thousands by the tsunami incident.

And I praise the Lord for ensuring the safety of Christy.

Praise be with You, O Lord, praise be with You.

hearts 21:43:00
0 spoken words

Monday, December 27, 2004

Let the blame-fest begin.

hearts 19:35:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, December 26, 2004

My last Christmas in Singapore.
Spend it with family and friends.
Yes, there was no sight of him.
Not even a whimper of his voice.

Gotten use to this state of silence.
Gotten use to this game of love.
Just a pawn in this game.
Nothing but a pawn to be used.

hearts 16:39:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, December 25, 2004

9 missed calls.
14 messages.
5 or more of which from you.

hearts 18:05:00
0 spoken words

Friday, December 24, 2004

I think only you can handle my tantrums so rationally.
Even I couldn't handle myself.

hearts 14:39:00
0 spoken words


The stab in my heart resembles no other.

hearts 02:34:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, December 23, 2004

VIRGO:

Physical Appearance
·You are tall with a slender body.
·Your eyes & hair are dark in color. Eyebrows are curved and bushy. The nose is straight and the forehead - prominent.
·Quite an active person, you walk faster than normal females and therefore are unlikely to ever develop a pot belly.

Mental Attitude
·Analysis and research are your strong points. You will try to go deeply into the things and look for the finer prints.
·You will try to understand the details of a things and explain them to others.

General Nature
·Your nature changes from time to time. You are thorough and methodical and have the habit of keeping things exactly at the same place in a very systematic manner.
·A Virgo woman has a scientific bent of mind and will reason and rationalise everything. She also often questions the traditional ideas and ways of life.
·Understand human nature is easy for you. Blessed with a sharp brain it is not very difficult for you to manipulate other people. You can disguise your real self and can put forth the face you want for a particular situation.
·You can plan well. You can become good diplomats and research scholars.

Health
·You look calm and contended n the surface but below that you are a pool of nervous tensions, living on your nerves all the times. You also have a tendency of searching for something which you do not know exactly. This can lead to depressions.
·You are quick in actions like walking, talking or reacting and you have little tendency to put on extra weight. You try to keep yourself slim and trim most of the times.
·Worries coupled with your tense nature lead to digestive and intestinal problems. You may have problems related to dysentery, typhoid, swelling of intestines and gall bladder stones.

Money
·Your talents and your will to earn money take you to far off places and you shall earn your way up the ladder. You may not start wealthy but you will reach a point where wealth will come to you easily and automatically.

Romance And Sex Life
·For a Virgo woman , romance has a very different meaning in life.
·You tend to find a person of higher or atleast equal intellectual calibre and when you find him, you keep him guessing and are not demonstrative yourself. This leads to situations where both the people love each other but neither of them is sure about it.
·Even then some of the most strong relationships are possible if someone meets all your criteria .. you will then forget the world and virtually worship him.
·On the negative side, you may try to use your partner / lover by manipulative behaviour.
·You will like to be known as a nice girl than being known as a charming or beautiful girl.
·Your standards are very high - you will not be attracted by someone who gives too much importance to sex. Waist is your hot spot.

Marriage
·Marriage will be a very rewarding experience for you. You can handle your house most methodically and with a very refined taste.
·You are responsible and most efficient. However If your husband is not so methodical and cannot cope with your craze for keeping everything tidy and in its place, take that in your stride and do not become irritable or annoyed with him. Otherwise he may get fed up leading to problems in your married life.

Ideal Match
·Persons born in Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer and Sagittarius are best suited to you.

Caution
·Too much changeability and looking for finer details and finding faults is your weak point. Do not expect too much from every person in the world otherwise, it may become very tough for you.
·You should also try to reduce your nervous tensions by playing outdoor games.

Lucky Days, Numbers And Colours
·Wednesday, Friday, Monday & Thursday are favourable days for you.
·2, 3, 5, 6 & 7 are lucky numbers for you.
·Green, White & Yellow are your lucky colours.

Recommended Gemstones
·You should wear Emerald and Yellow Sapphire. The Gemstones should be of a vibrant Aura and should have never been worn before. The weight can be decided as per your body weight and age.

hearts 16:04:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

棋子
- Faye Wong -

想走出你控制的領域卻走進你安排的戰局
我沒有堅強的防備也沒有後路可以退

想逃離你佈下的陷阱卻陷入了另一個困境
我沒有決定輸贏的勇氣也沒有逃脫的幸運

我像是一顆棋進退任由你決定
我不是你眼中唯一 將領卻是不起眼的小兵

我像是一顆棋子來去全不由自己
舉手無回你從不曾猶豫我卻 受控在你手裡

hearts 04:13:00
0 spoken words


You still do not know the best way to coax me to joy,

hearts 00:46:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Love - A Cursed Blessing

THIS IS WHAT A GIRL TOLD A GUY

If you see me walking the road with someone
else,
It's not because I like his accompany...
Its because you're not brave enough to walk
beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my
heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him..
But because you're not there to catch me fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going

Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?..

Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him,
It's you I want to walk with..

Don't let me talk of him,
it's you I want to talk with..

Don't let me fall for him,
It's you I want to fall in love with..


"HOW DID THE GUY REPLY?"

When you thought I wasn't brave enough to
walk beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that
stand before me

When you thought I was too deaf to hear your
heartbeat
I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn't there to catch you,
It was because you never gave me the chance

You never reached the bottom,
you've already grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
I too don't know where the road is going

Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?

Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side

Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with

Don't let me fall for someone else
It's you I want to fall in love with..

WHEN I SAW YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...

WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...

WHEN I HOLD YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...

NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...
I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...

SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...
BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...
THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...

HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U
LOVE...BEFORE
HE/SHE SLIPS AWAY...AND U CAN NEVER
GET HIM/HER BACK....

hearts 17:30:00
0 spoken words


She was always left out in the cold.
Finally, the time was up for her heart to stop beating.

She uttered a final goodbye and closed her eyes.
A tear drop formed but she left with a distant smile.

hearts 17:14:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, December 19, 2004

I suspected your marital status.
Doubts filled my mind.

You called and I didn't answer.
Just couldn't bear to hear your words.

You left a message then a scathing piece.
Your voice spoke of your frustration.

Love has never been easy
And I'm gonna live to testify.

hearts 23:43:00
0 spoken words



Golden Pooh graces the blog. Thanks dear for the bear. :) (re-posting.) Posted by Hello

hearts 23:40:00
0 spoken words

Friday, December 17, 2004

Insecurity claims its place.

hearts 18:42:00
0 spoken words

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Birthday is drawing near.
You seem so excited.

Our discussion last night led me to realise that some of my worst fears were true. I really hope that you won't have such thinkings cos it's really not worth it for a girl like me.

hearts 16:02:00
0 spoken words

Sunday, December 12, 2004

A big sorry to my beloved sister.

I'm really sorry!! :(

hearts 23:24:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, December 11, 2004

1 oz. hurt
1 oz. pain
750ml tears
3 tsp pessimism

Add a dash of distant. Shake it well and serve it in a tall glass, garnished with loneliness.

hearts 00:51:00
0 spoken words

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Silence is golden.

Peace.

hearts 16:27:00
0 spoken words

Saturday, December 04, 2004

A spare-tyre.
A reserve.
A fifth wheel.
An option.
A sham.
A surrogate.

A role.

hearts 16:29:00
0 spoken words


Love evicts me from the confines of solitude and tranquility.

hearts 01:37:00
0 spoken words

Friday, December 03, 2004

Sometimes, I wish that the lies will just stop.

hearts 00:01:00
0 spoken words

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Hurt. Someone has hurt you badly and though you
won't show it, it has left you a hollow shell.
You are simply pretending to exist.


What's on the inside?
brought to you by Quizilla

hearts 04:09:00
0 spoken words


Faithless

To dream that you lover is faithless, has an opposite meaning that your lover is faithful and foretells of a happy marriage.

To dream that you friends are faithless, denotes that you are held in high regards and worthy esteem by them.

Fall

To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

Feast

To see a feast in your dream, denotes your emotional needs or sexual appetite. Pleasant surprises may also be in your near future.

To see disorder at a feast, foretells of quarrels or unhappiness through the negligence or sickness of some person.

To arrive late to a feast, signifies of a bothersome event that will occupy your mind.

Lesbian

To dream that you are a lesbian (but you are not in your waking life), signifies a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and passion. You are comfortable with your sexuality and femininity. If, in your dream you abhor the notion of lesbianism, then it represents your fears and rejection of parts of your own sexuality.

Love

To dream that your friend is in love with you, may be one of wish fulfillment. Perhaps you have developed have developed feelings for your best friend and are wondering how he or she feels. You are so preoccupied with these thoughts that it is evitable that it find its way into your dreaming mind. On the other hand, the dream may also suggests that you have accepted certain qualities of your best best friend and incorporated into your own character.

To dream that you are making love in public or in different places, relates to some overt sexual issue or need. Your dream may be telling you that you need to express yourself more openly. Alternatively, it represents your perceptions about your own sexuality in the context of politic and social norms. You may be questioning your feelings about sex, marriage, love, and gender roles.

Lover

To see a lover in your dream, symbolizes acceptance, self-worth, and acknowledgement of your true inner value. It may also indicate integration of masculine and feminine traits into yourself. You are feeling complete or whole.

To dream of an old or former lover, signifies unfinished/unresolved issues related to that specific relationship. Your current relationship may be awakening some of those same issues.

Alone

To dream that you are alone, indicates feelings of rejection. You may be feeling that no one understand you.

Ceiling

To see a ceiling in your dream, represents a mental or spiritual perspective.

Church

To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

Crash

To dream that you are in a car crash, indicates that your beliefs, lifestyle, or goals are clashing with another's. It may also represent a shocking situation or painful experience. Alternatively, car crashes may forewarn of your dangerous or careless driving habits.

To dream that a plane crashes, signifies that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself and are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

----*----

Have been having lotsa weird dreams lately. Ain't any better with "God" tagging.

To the person impersonating as God, it's blasphemy you're committing and if you think I'm not feeling overtly guilty for my actions, think twice. Nobody understands the dilemma I go through every single night and day. Yet what am I to do when I'm weak to the power of love?

One look at him and I just wanna spend the day happily away with him.
One look at him and I feel transported to Shangri-La - the forbidden land of joy.
One look at him and I can't help but keep falling in love with him.

I wish I could tell you that I will leave him soon but I can't.
My heart belongs to him now.
You ain't in my shoes, you won't know
The guilt and fear I live with every single day.

Guilt for the pain and hurt I'm bringin to the other party.
Guilt for the dilemma I've caused him to encounter.
Fear for the day that will come when he has to choose.
Fear for the day that will mean seeing him no more.

You don't know the tears that I've swallowed.
You don't know the aches that my heart bear.
And I have no control over your words and views.

hearts 00:44:00
0 spoken words