i chanced upon some of the photos taken during the hostage and, honestly, looking at those grim faces of individuals who are about to meet their doom was not pleasant. my partner asked me if i've watched the 'live' video of the stand-off and i replied a firm no. i can't. i just can't. the thought of having to watch a video, which was 'live' at the point of filming, knowing that the end was a bloodbath was just too much for me to bear.

as i ranted to my partner about the inadequacy of the Manila police force, i was choking back my tears. i had to take several pauses to compose myself. i found myself holding back my tears when i was in the showers, wondering what i would have done in that situation. it's not an easy situation to be in; definitely the most unpleasant.

for some strange reasons, i'm extremely affected by this event, to the extent of being apologetic. i'm sorry to the tourists that your lives have been cut short by the admitted failures of the Manila police force. i'm sorry to the family of these tourists who will forever mourn the what ifs and be haunted by this incident. i'm sorry to the family of the hijacker who will nonetheless feel indirectly responsible for the hijacker's actions. i'm sorry to the hijacker who must have been extremely desperate to have to resort to suicide by cop.

who i'm not sorry for is the police force. you failed. utterly failed. and this failure, unfortunately, was paid by innocent blood.

Rest in Peace.

i was happy till i realised i've not dreamt of you for a long time.

but grandpa, don't be upset k? i miss you too. please visit me more often. :)

i'm still affected by what he has said.

i mean if i'm that horrible a person, why the hell would you want to marry me?

as of today, i joined tumblr to chronicle the happier moments.

this blog will continue to function as the venue of my laments.

hopefully, it's the other that will prevail and persist through time.

almost 5 years of university life later, what do i do?

i start looking through SIM website and wonder if i should do a part-time course whilst i work.

i think i've gone bonkers.

i'm just 19 days away from you really, though there's one obstacle that threatens to destroy that.

upon reading this article, i felt compelled to comment on it. like the majority of the world's population, i condemned the September 11 attack. the senseless attack by these terrorist organisations for whatever righteous reasons they may have, attacked not just the community of individuals within New York at that point in time, but globally and most significantly moderate Muslims.

when i read that an islamic centre, featuring a mosque, will be build near the site, my initial reaction was WOW! it could be a great message put forth that the psychological warfare that these terrorists have waged, along with a real physical warfare, will not be won by them. that is until my eyes laid upon the words used by individuals who opposed the building. if Christian extremists were the terrorists responsible for that particular attack, would these individuals be so against the idea of building a Christian church near that ground? don't get me wrong, i'm a Christian and i'm not bashing the religion itself. What i'm driving at is the mindset of Americans. claiming to be a first world modern country, i sense a bigotry within that nation that dates back to centuries ago. or maybe it's just humans on the whole. we are always looking for someone to blame and right now, the obvious choice would be those whose religions are similar to those extremists, though i doubt that the choice would be as obvious if it was Christianity or Judaism.

let's not forget that the victims are not limited to those who died at the hands of the hijackers on September 11, 2001 but extends to cover the family and friends of the dead, personnels, be it military or non-military, in the Middle East, citizens globally and most importantly, the Muslims who don't condone these attacks.