as the date draws closer, i find myself struggling to grasp hold of every second.
it's times like these that i get upset with myself for my laziness and poor choices in the past that landed me in this situation.
then again, i reasoned with myself that it was also these choices that led me to him.
as upset as i am, i'm glad i made those choices.

with you, i can actually believe that there's some good left in this world.

hearts 21:37:00
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slightly less than 3 weeks to our 3rd year together.
we've had our tough times; we've had our fun times.

slightly more than a month till i've to return back to down under.
stayed up the whole of last night trying to figure out ways to prolong my stay.

then i realised that these efforts are useless.
cherishing these moments are all i can do to ease the later yearnings.

hearts 22:01:00
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met up with my primary school mates last night and (i know it's a bit retardedly-slow of me to realise it only now) it dawned on me that i will be hitting the quarter of a century mark in like slightly more than 7 months' time. as i laid in bed in the wee hours of the morning, i swear that my only thoughts were these - "wasn't i like 18 just yesterday?", "what's 25 supposed to feel like?", "are you sure you're turning 25? you still act like a kid!" - well, you get the drift. am i supposed to start behaving more like a 25-er but how does a 25-er behave? i'm lost man. i feel like i'm still trapped somewhere between 13-18 and i don't feel like i've grown in any specific ways (let's not discuss about the horizontally-challenged issue here) so how am i ready to tackle this supposed quarter of a century mark?!

hearts 16:50:00
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i was gonna write a letter to my brother when i came across my past letters to my ex-es. letters to J, M and G surfaced and reading through them made me view myself, as a 3rd person, to be a total retard. but this could be due to the cynical eyes i've been having since i removed fantasy from my head. no longer does the heart rule as much as the years before; it's the head that reign as the king.

still, it's fascinating to reminisce about the times when i was innocent and filled with hope.

hearts 19:07:00
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2009 is over. it's now 2010.
i've learnt to be grateful for my friends whom i truly can count on.
i've learnt to not put up with nonsense.
i've learnt to pick and choose.

most importantly, i'm learning to be me.

hearts 22:18:00
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