at this very point in time, after i received that very piece of news in my gmail, my only thought was how the fuck am i supposed to survive university life if they can decide mid-way through my course that hey, let's toy with the academic calendars and units of credits! how pleasant will that be for all students. seriously. so now, i've to re-evaluate my choices of electives cos i need to add another 2 modules as a result of such kindness. honestly, in my final year of university life, if i manage to survive, i'm either a fucking genius or i'm simply sadistic by nature.

and all this for a freaking piece of paper that is not recognised by Singapore's law society as it's part of a double-degree program.

i am turning 24 soon. looking through photos of individuals whom i used to hang out with every single weekend in the past, i realised the years that had gone by. most of them are either married with kids, married, or on the verge of marriage. then i looked at myself, this soon-to-be 24 years human, and i begin to ask myself when will i be in their shoes? don't get me wrong, i'm not exactly yearning for marriage and kids. the very idea of signing a contract to consider a union legal is, to me, preposterous. and the idea of kids, seriously, did cross my mind but being the ever-so-selfish me, i can't seem to fathom how i can be kind enough to allow my partner to shower that one human with more attention than upon me. then again, most peeps will say that when the time comes, i'll change but God knows.

i'm turning 24, a year short of the quarter century mark. will i be less selfish? will i be more prepared for what the future might hold for me? as of now, i'm still a student, a kid in most individuals' eyes as i've not stepped out into the working world. the affairs of the adults should not be indulged in upon by me, as i'm still a few years short.

my fear of losing control is probably the prima facie reason for my insecurities. the more i expect, the more my fear plays up. so what have i done to reduce them all? i'm still learning how to expect less. i'm still learning how to let go of control. i'm still learning.

afterall, i'm only going to turn 24 in more than a week's time. i have plenty of time for that.

on that note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHONGYING! :)

just an interesting observation that i've made whilst taking a break from my studies.

when night fell and i was all cosy in bed, i told my man about it and he said, "so now you want goldheart?" then i think i replied something to the effect that "i never minded goldheart's jewelries" but really, i was just smiling cos he got the very obvious hint.

:)

as some of you might know, i went on the contraceptive pill about 2 years ago as i was getting increasingly frustrated at my monthly cycle. it was irregular to the extent that i literally had to remember to bring the necessary items along with me at all times, in case it decided to pop up for a visit. what some of you might not know is that i've recently stopped it after much deliberation and doing further research on the medication, which convinced me that it's in my best interests to stop taking it.

so what happened next? well, without the pill, my monthly cycle became a nightmare again. i completely forgot about the fact that it was due until it went way over a week. when i finally did realise i was way overdue, i begin to curse and swear at myself for taking the damn pill in the first place, as i found out that upon stopping the pill, there's a potentiality that the monthly cycle might not return for 3-12 months. not that i mind but it would mean that a pack of tampon would have to follow me wherever i went and seriously, i'm not a big fan of that.

well, it did eventually show up at my door-step and at one of the most ridiculous timings - when i was asleep. i was relieved that i didn't have to wait up to 12 months for it to show up but at the same time, begin to wonder if i'm back to all the irregularities that i had prior to taking the pill. seriously, at that very point in time, i begin to feel the temptation of going back on the pill despite all the possible side-effects and what-nots.

i spoke to my man about it and he replied "what to do? your body is made up this way, just have to accept it". probably exasperated; probably a little grumpy, i told him over the phone, "if you want to have a child in the future, this irregularity may be an obstruction cos God knows when the hell my body decides to ovulate". but well, with my man, i couldn't really stay grumpy for long cos the next sentence he replied, basically, had me laughing in disbelief and, up till now, brought a smile to my grumpiness. he said "true. then i guess we will need daily practice when we are ready to have one. even when test kit comes back positive, also keep trying to make sure, until it's 100% confirmed." i replied, "won't you get sick and tired of it?" he actually replied something to the effect that, "probably will but if that's the only way, we just have to do it. and do it everyday".

my man. he sure has a solution to everything. :)

enabled blogger's commenting service.

all set for another 6 years. :)

i guess i was more interested in finding out if anyone still remembered his name and whether he was still being held in memory.

maybe they all have a different name for him cos i didn't find many posts past 2007.

the same goes to the burmese government. ridiculous judgment and the trial was a complete sham. she had no control over the moron who swam to her place. is she supposed to yell out to the person when she saw him coming, "get out of here. you'll get me into trouble"? or is she supposed to tell him to "get lost" when he's dripping wet after his swim? seriously, moronic.

dictatorship is nothing but a moron's tool for control and power cos seriously, when you're dead, you are still going to be nothing but like the rest of us, a decomposing piece of crap.

my eyes threaten to shut at midnight.

my brain goes into a numb state.

and my heart slows it beat.

all to prepare me for my slumber and morning torture,

day after day.

my blog is actually 6 years old.

despite the temptations to move out of this address, i'm still here.

happy belated my blog.

and if one day, he/she tries to enter in once more, just remember and reflect. chances are chances have been given umpteenth time prior and you'll be a fool to even consider another.