despite how tired he gets at times, he still makes time to joke with me, play with me and love me. some peeps have been saying that i'm rushing into things. i agree to a certain extent as there is nothing 100% certain in this world. life is constantly about change. things change, peeps change, the world change and there's nothing we can do about it. we just have to learn to adapt and, hopefully, work our way through somehow. however, i'm putting my faith in him that, despite the numerous changes that we may encounter from now forth, he will be the one i'm still holding hands with when we're old.

we have our issues no doubt, especially the matter of possible re-location, but i believe that God will bring us through it as long as we have faith. true, we are still having issues with God as well, that we know we need to deal with soon enough but i know that He will bring us through it. i don't think i've ever been this happy, this loved and this joyous is such a long time. i'm a ridiculously demanding person but i've found someone who loves me enough to accommodate to what's reasonable and set me straight when the demands are utterly ridiculous.

and i thank God for all of these. :)

i was told earlier yesterday that Christians should not exercise in accordance to the pilates method and i questioned deep and hard. the first thought that came to my mind was, "what the fuck are these peeps talking about? do they even know what they are talking about?" pilates, to me, does not have any fundamental spiritual aspect to it. it's an exercise regime meant for strengthening the core muscles of your body and promoting flexibility along with it. unlike yoga, which many could potentially argue with greater success, the roots of pilates is NOT spiritual.

so why is it that pilates could potentially be spiritual?  if you go to a new age facility for your pilates session, you will more likely than not be faced with a spiritual aspect, along with the regime. not because pilates' root is in spiritualism but because of the instructor's root in that aspect! if you had gone to a gym for a session, you would realise that they focus on the physical aspect. in fact, pilates only has one aspect - the PHYSICAL aspect. its fundamental purpose was to be an EXERCISE regime and NOTHING else. like so many other things on Earth, humans are the buggers who give interpretations, along with manifestations, to ideas that had sprung out innocently to benefit the society.

likewise, some might argue that this is my interpretation. if that's the case, go try it yourself! go to a new age facility for a session then go to the gym for another, before you come and argue with me over the appropriateness of pilates for Christians.

ps. Christians have an Almighty Lord but i feel at times, we are putting ourselves way above the others. where's the humility?

pps. what's wrong with yoga anyway? does it actually dictate you to pray to a particular God? does it actually sway you as a Christian? it may have been formed under Hindu influence but under what aspect of that influence was it formed?

ppps. discernment should be encouraged within Christians on the various regimes out there meant to keep your mind and body healthy, not total discouragement!

i'm so in love with her skins. :D

AGAIN.

i had another nightmare.

a nightmare that broke my heart and left me shaken.

nearly bent over in tears, if not because of the fact that i'm in the midst of my exams.

i had to hold it back in.

my exams should be my priority.

still, i'm affected.

i dreamt that you, of all peeps, has forgotten about me. i was running around in my dream, asking different peeps where you were. when i finally found you, all i heard that echoed through my broken heart was, "who are you?"

you had forgotten who i was.

i questioned about the rest of the peeps that you knew.

you had forgotten them too.

i cried.

i begged.

please remember.

but you couldn't.

you ended our conversation in my nightmare with simply,

"i'm sorry but i really don't know who you are."

in approximately 4 days time, it'll be filled to the brim with my tangibles to meet my intangible.

awake at such unearthly hour got me thinking about what my mum said earlier today.

letting go has always been my biggest obstacle.

losing those peeps in my life was my biggest fear (but this fear still extends out to other peeps in my life).

mum says i indulge in way too much self-pity.

i questioned myself to sleep on that,

only to awake with yet another nightmare burning my heart out.

i wish i could sleep without images of peeps dying floating in my dreams.

i wish i could let go to allow my heart and soul to recover.

i wish i could learn that my fear is an inevitable in life.

just a glimpse of it rising and setting.

i've been reading about murderers and rapists.

just enough to realise how dark this world could potentially be.

i've not been able to finish up my crim law studies.

just pray that i'll manage it before contracts creep up on me.

5 modules this semester has proven to be a killer.

so kill me now.