i've used some extreme and mean words.

yet, i felt compelled.

i questioned the ideology behind commitment.

i questioned the ideology of love and relationships.

yet, i was no angel myself.

i was disrespectful to the other, the partner, the self and the bond.

i was never in love with the self.

yet, i advocated it so strongly to the other.

i only pray for the other's happiness.

i only pray for the other's true happiness.

yet, i questioned his/her very current state.

the other day, a friend of mine sent me a video clip on google video. it was on the state of singapore's politics. initially i was going, "hell ya!" to every single thing that the video had to say about the singapore government, the high-handed manner that the government officials used in certain instances, etc. after a while, i began to go, "omg. this is just another sad sad joke from the clown".

first of all, lemme make myself really clear. i'm not a huge fan of the PAP government; i'm a supporter of amnesty international and a strong believer in the freedom of individual human rights, especially in the form of UNHCR. at the same time,  i do not deny the works of the PAP government. they had, indeed, brought a small nation, with the only natural resource being humans, into a nation of economic viability and i think that they should bear credits for that.

yet, i'm reluctant to say that i will support the PAP in the long run. within a decade of living in the same apartment, the past elections have seen this little apartment being placed in at least 2 different GRCs. i mean, i'm staying at the same place so why is it that the GRCs are shifting during each elections? have my place been shifted without me realising it? i don't really quite get it. looking through the government's elections website yielded no results as well. could someone please enlighten me on it? then again, i looked at the other prominent opposition party and start thinking, do i really want that party running the country?

furthermore, during my course of law study here, i'm getting more convinced that singapore is not a democratic state, which is really quite sad. here i am studying about law and, hopefully, able to uphold justice for individuals, realising that i might never reach the stage of independent common law in singapore. true, singapore has a good justice system that addresses the rights and the wrongs when it came to cases that does not involve prominent figures. however, when prominent figures came into play, it just does not appear to me as a court case any more. it seems to be more of an assertion. could it be the manner in which these cases were highlighted in the media? the choice of words? i do not know.

the most disappointing factor of it all is the apathetic attitude of singaporeans towards politics. maybe it's due to the lack of awareness. maybe it's due to them not wanting to leave their comfort zone. but i'm worried. i'm worried that in the next decade, things might change drastically and they are shaken out of their comfort zone, not knowing what to do and how to go forth. are we really gonna wait for disaster to strike before becoming more political aware? yet, at the same time, i can understand why some are afraid to step out with their political opinions. to cross the line might create possible tensions within the law of singapore and human rights.

have i crossed the line here? i do not know. all i do know is this, there is a need to raise political awareness in singapore, to allow the citizens to make sound decisions. rather than going along and then cursing and swearing at certain flaws of the government, make an informed choice and be contended. that's what i wish and that's what i hope to see in singapore in years to come.

where the warmth is.

where i know i won't curse and swear at the freaking weather.

i wanna go home.

to see the peeps i miss.

to eat the food that will bring me horizontally-challenged again.

i wanna go home.

relaxing without guilt.

relaxing and knowing that i'll have my ball of fun doing work i love.

i just wanna go home.

thanks to you, my love.

in the dark last night, i heard your voice.

in the dark last night, i questioned...

why did you leave me behind?

i know now why i get frustrated with kids.

i know now my intense desire to shake them up to adulthood.

their innocence.

their youth.

it cuts me.