as the old story goes,
clara's feelings never mattered.

and now, with a big smile, happy lunar new year to all.

hearts 22:38:00
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hearts 19:32:00
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hearts 00:43:00
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i'm missing you.
dreaming bout you.

do you remember our love?
for i do...

hearts 23:52:00
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stop this.
stop saying things that you know might have a negative impact on the both of you.

you know it's not his fault for what has happened.
you know he's ignorant to all that has happened.
you chose to keep this secret to yourself.
you made the choice so let it be.

don't expect him to do something about it when he knows nothing about it.
don't expect him to be aware and more appreciative when he's ignorant.

you made the choice.
the silence of it, you will bear.

let him be happy.

hearts 20:28:00
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dav, this is really freakish. after we had our mini-talk on my dream. the next time i had a chance to check my mail proper, guess what i received?

2 mails highlighting the importance of faith and faithfulness.

i believe that this is Your voice.

broke down again today.
after all the rushing of assignment.
after getting myself absorbed into others' issues.
i'm at a standstill.

and i just cried.
kept thinking of you.
i can't keep this up. not now.
exams are coming. i need to focus.

focus girl, FOCUS.
i promised you that i will strive to do well.
i will keep my promise.

hearts 21:43:00
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had another dream last night.

dreamt that i was in your room and your parents were in there watching tv with me. they asked me how's the wedding preparations coming along and i replied them, "i think mervin is having 2nd thoughts about them". i heard your father mumbled, "well, both of you are still young. lemme talk to him and maybe we can delay it to a later date." so i called you and said that your father wished to speak to you and you kept insisting that i was lying, that i was trying to convince you to do something that you didn't wish, but i wasn't. i was speaking the truth. your father just looked at me and said, it's ok. i'll talk to him another time and then your parents said goodnight and left for their room. and i was still in your room, in the winnie pooh t-shirt, getting ready for bed as i await for your return.

when i woke up, i realised i didn't really see your father's face or your mother's face. i just heard a male voice and a female voice and assumed so. something in me keeps telling me that this dream means something but i do not know what as i've been praying for Daddy to speak to me somehow and last night, an anonymous quote was sent to me via email, stating - "Prayers do not fall on deaf ears."

maybe i'm really thinking too much. maybe i'm really dwelling too much in all of these. but if Lord, this is really your voice then...

if this is Your will, Lord, then let it be done.

hearts 16:32:00
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i had a dream the week before i left for sydney again.
i was reminded of it last night.

i dreamt that i kept dying over and over again.
i dreamt that each time i died, i would crawl up again but i could tell i looked significantly drained.
before i woke up from my dream, my character in the dream was saying,

"i'm tired of dying."

and she was shot dead, never to awake again.

hearts 20:37:00
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hearts 21:24:00
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hearts 00:43:00
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going back again tomorrow.
my heart is still awaiting.

you once said i was silly, ridiculous even to ask questions like "is my home waiting for me?" but when i felt how you embraced and kissed me the moment i was in front of you, i knew my answer.

you didn't make it easy for me.
i didn't make it easy for you too.

i can only silently pray that at the end of the tunnel, at the end when you've sort out your thinking, it's us you see and it's us you run to.

i'm waiting for you, my home.
waiting for you to make me you permanent resident.
for nobody else can love me like you do.

hearts 02:55:00
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You scored as Linguistics. You should be a Linguistics major! Linguistics 100% Psychology 100% Journalism 100% Sociology 100% English 92% Theater 92% Philosophy 83% Dance 83% Anthropology 83% Engineering 67% Biology 67% Chemistry 58% Mathematics 58% Art 33% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

so what am i supposed to choose?!

hearts 04:28:00
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is there any difference between leaving tomorrow and leaving on sunday?

i don't think there is.
at least to me.

hearts 02:21:00
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last night, some magical words were spoken.
last night, my heart fluttered a little more.
last night, i felt all has been worthwhile.

though it's still gonna be quite a while.
though it's still gonna be a tough ride.
though it's still gonna be a pendulum swing.

i know a little perseverance is all i need.
i know a little faith is all i possess.
i know a little love is all that matters.

hearts 19:22:00
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